If You Read, You'll Judge

2011-08-16T22:44:00.000-07:00

Oh and today(yesterday) is(was) Catie and I's three year and seven month anniversary. That is very exciting :]

It's been near two months since my last blog.

2011-08-16T21:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged because I haven't had time, didn't feel like it, or because I didn't feel like I had anything worth sharing. I want to start blogging more; I feel like I always have these stray ideas running through my head and I don't know what to do with them.

So I'll start this blog off with some nice things, because I have a lot of anger and frustration I'll be venting here.
I almost have enough money for a car. Or I do have enough money for a car, either or. I'm great at saving money. That's one thing I really like about myself. I should probably start looking at cars to begin with, that might help. But once I get a car I'm going to look for another job because this tourist season is dying down and I'm not making nearly as much money at work as I used to. I've gotten some nice job offers lately too, a job at the hospital here and at Best Buy. My main goal after getting a car though is to get an apartment in Savannah, and then transfer to the Outback there and get another local job. I'm really tired of Hilton Head. I hate being here, especially since my friends are gone. Most of them, that is.
Work is work. If it were fun, it would be called just that. That saying never really applied anywhere else nearly as much as it does here. I hate it sometimes. The people and management are too much to deal with. Sometimes I'm clawing my eyes out to leave. I have to drag myself out of bed to get up and go. We're so understaffed. One of the "Steps to restaurant success" that's on our stupid brainwashing corporate map thing is "Fully Staffed, Fully Prepared", which we aren't. Shit breaks all the time. We've been out of draft been for TWO FUCKING WEEKS because they wont keep calling the company for them to fix our cooler. Do you know how much money we're losing? And then when people get angry because we don't have draft beer which is half priced on happy hour, our managers end up buying them useless shit to keep their business. I thought it was the company's fault that it wasn't fixed by now, but now I realize it's just management laziness. As of lately, everything at Outback has been "Corporate says this..." or "Corporate says that..." "Corporate is doing this now..." "Corporate wants us to suck it's dick every Saturday now." That last one was a stretch, but that's what it feels like. I don't work in a fucking cubicle, I'm sick of this shit. And then the district manager and his band of horsemen are coming again on Thursday to stick their noses in our shit. I hate them; they make me so uncomfortable. Our management is terrible too. I don't think they're capable of running a restaurant properly. They can't keep new hire-ee's. We've had so many people walk out because they can't take the pressure because things don't run like they should and it affects the tables. Or they just walkout because our restaurant is shit. We had one guy walk out who had been there for four years. Before it was shit. And he just couldn't take it anymore. I don't blame him. But that's my work in a nutshell. Every day.
I miss my friends. Even though I wouldn't be missing them yet if they were still here, I'm just very sad that they're gone and I won't be able to see them until December, and in some cases, ever again. Badlyn is in Columbia now. He was kind of my only best friend other than Catie. I miss him a lot. We're so similar. I'm just really sad he's gone. I don't have many people to just call to hang out when I have free time. Ema is in Columbia too. I didn't see her as often, and it isn't going to hit me that she's gone until later. And then there's Kat. I think I might be most upset about her. She was my first friend I made as an 'adult', and I learned a lot through my friendship with her. She was pessimistic and cynical and really funny. Her boyfriend, Bud, was so nice and bubbly and happy, and quite the opposite of her. I'm going to miss them both. They moved to Texas, and I really don't think I'll ever see them again.
The last is my family. Which feels like less and less of a family all the time. I don't even know what side of the family to start with. I guess I'll start with my family vacation from when my family visited at the beginning of July, which feels like forever ago now. Last time they visited, it was great. It was like a huge(not really, but whatever) family reunion. My aunt came down from New York, along with two of my cousins, their wives/girlfriends, my cousin Darcy and her boyfriend Josh, who is just about one of my most favorite people on the planet. Last year it was awesome, we played wiffleball on the beach and rode bikes and went shopping together and hung out, but this year was different. All anyone did was sit around and watch tv, and go places and not tell anyone where they were going. There was no unity or family, everyone broke off into little groups and that was it. It was stupid, and a waste of time and a lot of money if you ask me. It wasn't all too terrible though. I got my second best tan of the summer and got to spend a whole week sleeping on a pool tube in the pool in the sun, and got to get drunk with my family once and play pool volleyball. But those were the only two highlights of the week. If I look at it that way, it's not terrible but I read into things a lot more than that.
Now on to the other side of my family. This is a lot more complicated. I wish they were more open with me. I wish they would tell me what's going on without me having to pry. I wish my sisters made better decisions. I wish they wouldn't lie to my younger brother to make someone else seem like they bad guy because they can't own up to it themselves. I wish ~~you~~fuck that, I'm done with this anonymous blogging shit. I wish Sam would pull her head out of her ass and realize she's fucking up the rest of her life over this 40 year old creep who has caused her to cut all ties with her family. Your mom and my dad gave you a loving home. A roof over your head. A bed. Blankets. Food. Support. I thought you were done with people that only cause you harm after Turkie, but I guess not. And it makes me angrier than anything that you would get so mad at your friend for dating your ex-girlfriend that you broke up with to get with Ron in the first place and making it seem like you were such good friends with when you weren't. You never picked up her calls, or any of your other friends calls. You would blow off plans with them and go to Ron's sons baseball game. You have no business being around that kid. You really have no business being around a guy who's probably three years younger than your father. And you're really lucky that your dad doesn't live there, because he would probably beat the fuck out of Ron for hanging around you. I know that I would if he was doing that to my kid. I'm sure you didn't have a huge choice in moving out the way you did. I'm sure you don't have a huge say in talking to your parents or your friends. I'm sure that he tells you not to talk to them. I know how controlling he was with you while you were in school. Telling you to leave and go to the pet shop right after you got out. Making you upset. I know there's a lot more going on than what you let on to believe. Even though I hate him, and hate what you're doing, I hope it works out for you .

Anyhow, I went to Six Flags and Warped Tour this summer again. It was great, let me tell you. My favorite so far. I got so sunburnt, and I'm still peeling in parts. I rode rides until I had a headache, and then rode some more. I saw the best bands. Warped this year was like a metal Woodstock. It was insane. The Acacia Strain was fucking insane. I have never seen anything so crazy. And I was reminded of why I love Enter Shikari so much. I wish I could convey all of my experience over those two days into words but I just can't. I'm happy I got to spend that time with Catie and Badlyn and Madison though, because I don't know if anything will ever be like that again.

Recently, a guy who went to my school died in a bad car accident. I don't know what to call him. We weren't close so I don't want to say friends, but not entirely distant so I don't want to be standoffish and say acquaintance. He was really in between. I think the largest factor in there is that he was my old best friend Blake's best friend. And the worst part about him dying was what I thought Blake was going through and not being able to be here for his funeral, or memorials, or for his family. I feel so bad for his family. And his brother, Ben. I can't even put that into words. I didn't get to go to his beach memorial, or his funeral. I wanted to go so bad, but I didn't have anyone to go with. I wanted to go for Blake, because he couldn't be there. I wanted to go for Will's dad, for his mom, for Ben. For myself. Even though I didn't know him well, I see him so clearly. Talking about his art, what would look good where. What colors to use. Simple things like that. He had his career planned out, and was acting on it. And now he's gone. Forever. And it's harder for me to wrap my head around his death, or any death for that matter. Everyone on his Facebook, on his dad's and his mom's, talked about "seeing him on the other side" or "seeing him soon". I don't believe in God, or afterlife. Reincarnation maybe, but I don't really want to believe in that even sometimes. After you die, that's it. I'm not seeing him later. I'm never going to stop and see him on the street one day years from now and catch up. I'm never seeing him again for the rest of my life. I'll never see or hear about his new art pieces. I'll never hear or see anything new from it. My last memory of him is the end of him for me, and I still can't get my head around that.

Oh dear, I think I started this blog over an hour ago. This is my life as of now all summed up. I will write again soon though.

Sometimes I hate new people.

2011-06-20T14:13:00.000-07:00

IE this kid in Atlanta Bread Company. He used to be friends with my old friends in middleschool, and has since grown out his dorky bowlcut into a tangled, messy, mop haircut. It looks incredibly tacky with his visor. He only have me avocados and cheese on my sandwich so I had to go up and ask fro the missing remainder of toppings and condiments for it. The sandwich wasn't as delicious as I recall it being, but the coffee I have makes up for it. It's strange though, he recognized me as I walked up and greeted me differently than his other customers. He wasn't a seemingly large part of my life, but he was a large part of my best friend's life, which in turn made him a significant part of my own. Their friendship has come and gone, as has mine and hers. I'm sure he sees me in a new light as I see him. I couldn't tell you a thing about him anymore. Life is funny like that.

I can't even recall the last time I seriously blogged, other than crazy half put together phrases from my mind when I was in a funk. One of the worst I've been in in some time. My life has changed considerably since, fortunately for the better.
I have a steady source of income now. I work at Outback, and as odd as that job sounds, it's a very good gig. I make a lot of money, and the staff is great for the most part. The only problem I have is one of the managers, but I can get over that. The only real problem that I have is that I'm a little lacking in having a social life and I stay with my mom most of the time since I work on the island. Lacking a social life isn't a huge deal because the money I make outweighs how much I don't get out. That may sound terrible, but it's the truth. I would love to be in Savannah and transfer to the Outback there, but I don't want to give up what I have here. It's a rare occasion to have a job you enjoy going to with a staff you enjoy just as much. At least, I'm not ready to give that up yet.

Much to my joy, Catie and I are back together, and that makes me happier than anything. I now have the funds to take her out on nice dates, buy her nice things. Things like that used to be a lot harder for me to do. Believe me, our relationship is far from superficial, but the ability to do nice little things like that once in a while are much appreciated. I wont get into it too much or gush about it, as I'm sure most of you have little interest in it, but everything feels in place again. Everything is just, smoother.

In short, I'm much happier now. Things are going well, and I couldn't ask for more.

2011-04-11T19:47:00.000-07:00

I feel worse and worse every day.

2011-04-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

I feel like my life has become a pick two triangle. And I feel equally as awful with any combination of two of the three options. No two are any more satisfactory of less satisfactory than the other, and to be happy I need all three. Fuck.

2011-03-31T19:31:00.000-07:00

I feel like a waste of space. I feel like a waste of air. I feel like a waste of time, of love, of effort. I try to sleep for as long as possible because I don't want to wake up sometimes. I can go awhile without feeling like this. A week was the last record. And then one day, it creeps up on me. I think. I drown in my thoughts. I suffocate. All I want is for it to go away, and then sometimes I just want to go away because it wont. I try talking about how I feel, and I feel stupid, and it makes it worse. And then I feel worse, and worse, and worse, and worse. When I breathe it doesn't feel like I'm breathing in air. I feel nothing. Like I'm gasping for more of something that isn't there. And then I feel fine, and happy, and hopeful, and trusting. Of you, of life, of everything. And then I get one second more to myself than I should have, and I think, and it's all back. I'm homesick, nostalgic, jealous, and clinging on to something with all of my strength. All that's left. When I feel like this, I'm empty. And then I can wake up and feel full. And I wait. I wait and wait and wait. I wait to feel fine again. And when I do I pay this no mind. I ignore it. Bury it. I don't talk about it. It's embarrassing. My feelings are embarrassing. I am embarrassing. I feel like I embarrass you sometimes. Then I feel like that all the time. All I want is a hug, a kiss. My bed. My pillow. Trivial things. I want a constant back. And I know when I get it everything will be worth it. Like 2009. Awful, trying, but necessary. I have to know this isn't 2009. It wont happen again. I'm still scared. But this is different. If it isn't, it will kill me. I can't think like that though. Trust. Trust is important. And key. I know this. I'm working on this. I promise.

I love you.

10/4/2010

2010-12-04T20:12:00.000-08:00

I just got back from a Work/Christmas party at my bosses house and it was really fun. I guess I should start out by saying that I got a job, because that's the main thing here. I work at Roly Poly, which is a roll-up sandwich shop. It's really laid back, and my speed. I can crack jokes and talk and meet interesting people. I don't really have to wear a uniform other than a 'Roly Poly' shirt and a hat. The hat I get to choose myself, so I wear my "Reel Big Fish' hat that was signed by all of them, and everyone likes it and likes the way I wear it. Kathleen and Thomas are really cool and own the business, Oliver is my manager and it really chill, Maureen is older and sassy but in a smart funny way... and she curses like a sailor, and Kevin an Marius are some of the most chill guys that I've ever met.
At the party, it became really apparent to me that people who work at Roly Poly are of a certain sort. Everyone there is very similar to me. Oliver and I talk about growing up, and politics, and his kids and what they do. Thomas and I talk about the military and living on/off of bases and news and things that piss us off. Kathleen and I talk about weird health things and hair and stuff like that. Kevin and I talk about music and art and people. Marius and I talk about music and computers and shows. Maureen and I don't talk much, but when we do she always says something really funny.
Marius, Kevin and I stuck together for most of the party. It was really cool because we have nearly the exact same view on almost everything. Like external hard drives, Steve Jobs, Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, music, movies, tv shows, ninjas, people getting jumped, living on our own. It was really nice, and its going to make work easier because we know more about each other so we can talk more. Not that there's really much time to because we're really busy most of the time.
As a Christmas present, Kathleen and Thomas gave each of us (Maureen, Marius, Oliver, Kevin and I) 20 dollars. I really wish they didn't, because it makes me feel obligated to return the favor and a little awkward because I haven't known them for long and that's just so much generosity. They even said that they wished they could give us more! It's alright though, because even though I haven't known them for that long, it feels like I have. Hopefully that isn't weird to say, but the Roly Poly shop is like a little family. Everyone is so nice and unique and I really love that I work there.

On to other news; I leave to go to California in 11 days. In 25 minutes it will be 10. This is just crazy to me that it's coming up so quick. Not that I'm visiting, but that Christmas and New Year's will happen while I'm out there. I'm very excited to go, but a little apprehensive. I know it's not a problem though. A few days ago I bought a cute bunny luggage tag just for going out there. And a Christmas present for my dad. I need to get one for Holly, I have an idea but I don't know if it will work anymore. :/
This time that I'm going out there, Sam(stepsister) has a car, so I won't be freezing my ass off because I have to walk everywhere, even at night. I'm pumped to go to the mall and go to Zumiez because it's my favorite store and is only in California, New York, and a few other states that are deffinitley NOT Georgia and South Carolina. I love that store so much I just might never be able to leave.... Just kidding! Not really.

I bought a new shirt today. That isn't a big deal, but it's the first clothing item I've bought with MY money. All mine. Not money that was given to me for Christmas or some shit, it was mine. And I bought it from this independently owned clothing store on Whitaker. I've gone in there once before with Catie and Hopie(dog). The woman who owns it is really nice and relateable and young. And gives Hopie Milkbones, which I think are her favorite.

That's about all I have to type.
Bye.

I have too much on my mind to go to bed right now;

2010-11-09T20:16:00.000-08:00

Even though it is cozy and warm, and I feel so right laying with Catie, attached to her like a finger monkey. I just can't sleep.

I leave to go to California for two weeks on December 18th. I'm excited to go, but I'm nervous. I feel nervous again. Maybe anxious is the word for it. Last time was a disaster. I don't feel sad like last time though, I'm actually very very happy. I just feel anxious again. Maybe it's because I just learned when I'm going today, and I haven't had much time to think about it.
Should I bring my laptop? or should I leave it here with you so I can webcam chat with you? Should I bring my ukulele? What clothes should I bring? I need a coat. I need to start a list of things to bring. I need to do so many things. I need to finish applying to colleges. I need a job. I need to figure out a game plan for my life. I sort of have a game plan for my life. We have a game plan for our life. I need to think of a game plan to get us to our game plan for our life.

A list of stuff to bring is the easiest on this list, so here it goes:
Yes's: Xbox hard drive
chewed-analog stick xbox controller
Xbox games
plenty of warm things because it's cold as fuck out there
money
book(s)
ethernet cable if I bring my laptop (Xbox LIVE)
Excedrin Migraine
Cherry Carmex
deodorant
toothbrush
toothpaste
conditioner
shampoo
comb
brush
hair products
Thinkingabout's:Ukulele
Laptop
Gameboy
Sunglasses/contacts

A song by Tommy Guererro just played on my iTunes. It's called 'Knives Fighting Guns' and if you haven't heard of it, you should listen to it. I wont even get into how much I love his work right now, but to me, he's the... idunno... Gandhi of music. Not really, but close enough. I used to listen to this song all the time in ninth grade when I hung out with a bunch of losers. It's so weird how all of those people used to be so important to me, but I don't care about them at all anymore. Well, let me rephrase that, I care about some of them. Some. Few. Maybe two, or one. Yeah, two. Three, counting my girlfriend. But anyways, I don't miss them at all anymore. I don't even miss who they 'used to be'. I don't really want to say anymore in case anything I say comes off as mean, but it's not. I'm not being mean nor am I angry, I'm just being honest.

On a lighter note, my Fable 3 pre-order arrived a few days ago. Maybe more like a week or something. Anyways, I beat it. In two days. It is honestly one of the hardest games I've ever played. It's not hard like you would think, like, combat-wise. It's how political and diplomatic it is. Even if you try to have an all good or all evil character it's hard. You want to make decisions that wont make the game pointless and boring, and you don't want to make the rest of the quests any more difficult than they already are. It's very hard, and I understand why the special edition pack comes with a special coin (that originally I thought was a dumb gift) because some of these decisions are just plain impossible to make on your own. I do love the game though. I may love Fable 2 more, but Fable 3 is deffinitley a good game.

My mind is more at rest now, but my stomach feels like it's eating itself. It's probably because I'm starving and it's too late to eat. Bleh.

A Mormon street converter guy (I'm sure that's not what they call them) came up to Catie and I a few nights ago saying how being Mormon is the religion that Jesus Christ wants for everyone and to be re-baptized to truly wash away your sins and a bunch of other religious babble. The boy was very nice, and I applaud his commitment to the Mormon faith, but I just think things like that are rude. There were a few things I was about to say, but if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I was going to tell him 1.) I'm (supposed to be) Jewish [which Jesus was and I would think that to be the correct religion if I believed in God] and 2.) Catie and I are lesbians. But I just kept my quiet and let Catie talk because when it comes to stuff like that, she's a hell of a lot better than I am. But I mean, you don't see even the most devout Atheists going door to door, person to person saying "Even if you believe in God and Jesus Christ your savior, you're going to rot in a grave and feed the grass and that's it." I don't shove my religion down people's throat. And what's the point of getting baptized and washing away all of your sins if Jesus was supposed to die for them? That's like someone giving you a brand new cell phone that cost them their life and throwing it in water.
In my opinion, the world is too small in comparison to even just our solar system for God to exist, and for Jesus to even be anything special. He supposedly came back to life twice and passed through a shroud. People have been known to awake from 'death' right before getting an autopsy, having a heart attack, and even being buried in a coffin. And according to quantum mechanics there is a chance for people or objects to pass through walls because all that everything is made of, solid or liquid, are particles. And also, according to quantum mechanics (or physics, but I think quantum physics are part of quantum mechanics or vice versa), there is a high possibility for there to be multiple universes. They could be larger than ours, the size of a pea, or smaller than microscopic. And can you imaging a universe that's smaller than microscopic that contains life like ours? That is where any sense of religion ceases to exist for me. There is no possible way for God to exist or for Jesus to be significant with that kind of size. That's even bigger than Jesus being the size of this period "." and the universe being all of the internet. There's no way for it to exist if there's other life out there, which I'm damn sure there is. If you think about the small odds that were perfectly lined up for us and think "Now there had to be some divine intervention for that" think about how vast and ever growing the universe is and think about how those odds keep growing. Life may not be common in the universe, but there's no way that some mystical being governs all of it.
I also believe for religion to be a coping mechanism to deal with how small they are in all of this. People turn to God when their life had gone awry or because they were raised with it. And I will admit, some people need religion. Some people need to believe in something bigger than themselves because they can't trust in anything else. And I understand, I really do. It just isn't for me. I need knowledge. I need facts. I need solid proof.

I rarely type about my beliefs because there's so much that goes along with it, and that's why. So I'm done typing. What's below I typed earlier.

I think NARC by Interpol is my all time favorite song. It's been so long and I still haven't gotten sick of it.

If I titled this blog, it would be "I want to wear you out, I want to wear you down"

The song that just played isn't a good one for right now in light of me leaving soon.

"If there's something inside that you wanna say
You can say it alright it'll be okay
I will be your light, I will be your light
I will be your light, I will be your light
I need love
I need love"

Wow, this was unorganized.

Cold water.

2010-10-16T12:42:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed how when you're running something under warm water (like a plastic cup) it's softer and more mailable and caves in and stretches easier, but the second you put it under cold water it just jumps back into the way it's supposed to be? I'm sure you have, everyone probably has, but it just got me thinking. With some things, cold water can return everything to normal. Like plastic bowls, cups, putty, things like that. But with things like glass, after it's heated to a certain point it just shatters. You would think that putting it under cold water will fix it, if it's burning your fingers or you just want to clean it because things stick on glass and are hard to get off. Instead of solving the problem though, it just breaks. It can't handle the shock and just breaks.
See, I think there are two types of people, plastic and glass. And cold water can be anything that's good, or anything that brings normalcy. I'll give you some instances I thought of a long time ago.

Girls= Girls are plastic, in this instance. I've seen this type of 'plastic/cold water' happening a few times in some of my friends/old friends. A girl is going down a really bad path doing drugs and hanging around a really bad guy who treats her like shit. She's depressed, a dropout, does drugs and drinks. Another bad thing happens, she's pregnant. The boy who has treated her so badly splits leaving just her and her family that has stuck around, if they're there at all. But this baby is a miracle to her. Because of the baby, she has to clean up her act. She has the baby and knows it's dependent on her for it's life. She stays sober, doesn't involve herself with bad people, and is happy.
Baby= Cold water.
Boy= Glass, because the boy leaves and keeps on his reckless path.
This is just one example, and I'm not saying it always works out like that, just the instances I've seen have. I wish that there was a way to give girls going down a bad path a surrogate baby that would save them. I know that sounds weird, but just think of how many girls in bad positions that would save. Then when they're all better, the surrogate baby could be returned and the girl would be happy. I would give an example of boys, but they're a lot trickier.
Some boys stay with the girl and the baby and clean up as well. Some boys just need a girl, or a boy, to give them incentive to clean up so they can be together. Some boys need to go to prison, some boys just won't ever snap out of it.

I hope that wasn't too weird, and I hope that makes sense. I just do a lot of thinking when I'm doing dishes. I don't think I'm in need of any cold water right now, and I hope I won't be for a long time. I'm not in how water either. I think I'm about room temperature. The way I described cold water was as normal, but I've come to realize that I'm not, and the situation I'm in isn't normal at all. Believe me, I love here I'm at and I'm pretty content with who I am, but my life isn't normal by a long shot. It's normal for me though, I guess, and that's what matters. I'm 17 years old, and I have my own apartment, pay my own bills, buy my own groceries, have been in a serious committed relationship for two years and nine months, live with my girlfriend, and am looking into getting a dog. I don't know any other seventeen year old like that. I do like it that way though.

There comes a crucial point in every gamer's life where a decision has to be made about the future of their gaming. You know the choice shouldn't be too hard, but it is. This choice is choosing the right game to buy when there are other games out there you want equally as bad. Okay, it may not be a vital point in every gamer's life, but it is in mine as I don't have $120.00 to spend on games. I must choose between Fallout: New Vegas and Fable III. To those of you who don't play videogames, it isn't a big deal, but to me it's almost as important as choosing what college to go to. There are a total of four games I want, but these two are the top of my list. I'm leaning towards Fable III, but I need to be 100% sure before I buy it. I won't be getting another videogame until Christmas I'm sure, and I'm bored to death with the ones I have now. I guess it will come to me. Eventually.

Catie and I are meeting with a dog rescue worker and a rescue dog that we're interested in tomorrow at 10. We aren't getting the dong tomorrow, we're just going to meet her and see how we like her and how she likes us. She's a very cute Australian Shepherd named Hope, and she's the right size for our apartment. I am very excited. I love dogs.

I'm thinking about deleting my Tumblr. It isn't nearly as entertaining as it used to be, like Twitter, and people clog up my dashboard with stupid shit, like Twitter. And some people treat it as a social networking site when it's a blogging site, sort of like Twitter.

I'm off to pack Catie a lunch and visit her at work, later.

Oh, and today is Catie and I's anniversary :]

10/3/10

2010-10-03T09:43:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm really getting a feel for Savannah. I see the same people every day out and about, sometimes I wonder if they see me the same way. But right now, in this Starbucks, the very persuasive Asian bike guys from the hipster hot-spot bike shop is sitting across from me talking in Korean to who I presume is his daughter or younger relative. I saw Ricky from Anonymous Tattoo walking down to the shop through Broughton. It's things like these that show me that I'm beginning to fall into place here. Catie and I are making friends, albeit slowly, but surely. There's a routine of discussing what to have for dinner when Catie gets home from work and watching Scrubs, or Law and Order SVU. Even though some days go by being very, very uneventful, I love every single one of them.

I went job hunting today, and I may have hook, line, and sinker-ed one. It's at La' Berry, which is a scary frozen yogurt place. The ladies working there were really nice though, and I had a lot of common ground with them. Originally, they said that they weren't really hiring anyone because they just hired a lot of people. The problem for them was that they needed someone who was available full time, who didn't have a second job or who was enrolled in school. I don't have a job, and am not enrolled in school, so they were really happy to take my application. The girl who was in there with white silicone 2gauges jokingly said I could take her shifts. I'm assuming that they're piling shifts on people who are in school to make up for the lack of people with 100% flexible schedules. I'd really like to work there, even though they train you to be sample-cup giving frozen yogurt Nazi's.

It is so nice out today. Fall is really here, you can just tell. The air is crisp and refreshing, unless you get a whiff of the paper mill, and the breeze is nice. The only thing that is a little bad about it is that if you're in the shade and don't have a light jacket, it's too cold, and if you're in the sun it's too hot. But it really isn't that much of a bother, because it's just beautiful outside.

I can't believe that I've been living here for only a month. In some ways, it feels like I've been here forever, and in others it feels like I've been here for a very short time.

The cutest father, daughter pair just came in. The father looks like he just got out of church; he has a purple bow-tie with a regular suit, and his daughter had a big, poofy afro like I used to have that had blonde highlights throughout the curls.

The really funny guy is working at Starbucks today. He has thick face scruff (not a beard, scruff) but it seems to be groomed, he's kind of pudgy, just a little, and has flippy hair. He rides a longboard to work and is always joking with his co-workers. He's the kind of guy who just looks funny, he doesn't have to say anything particularly funny for it to be so. Like Seth Rogen. He's always super nice. Actually, everyone at this Starbucks are super nice.
This is the only place that I actually prefer a Starbucks to a local coffee shop. I do love the bean for their smoothies and couches, but the people there are just little hipster bitches and cunts. I typically don't call people that, but that's how they are here. A lot of them are just cunts. Every time that you walk in there, everyone's eyes are feasting on you like how vulture's eye a freshly deceased carcass. The people are just plain unfriendly, and I get the same smoothie every time I'm in there, and it's been about five different prices depending on who's working. They do make good smoothies though.

I think I'm going to start tagging my posts, maybe I'll get more readers.

Dear Blogger:

2010-09-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

I am sorry for neglecting you. Not having internet at the apartment makes it hard to type a full blog because I have to do it in public, which is weird.

Everything is going very well though. I love it here. When I have time I'll write more, but for now I'll just leave this brief update.

9/7/10

2010-09-07T10:07:00.000-07:00

Right now, I am sitting in a Starbucks on Broughton Street in Savannah waiting for Catie to get out of work. Today was her first day at work. This Starbucks plays annoying music. I'm used to the one on Hilton Head playing songs that Meredith and Jody and Sarah and Kyle would pick out. Meredith liked music without words, like classical, and Crystal Castles. I'm sure Jody liked random indie music and weird things. Sarah probably liked Teegan and Sarah because that's who she looked like. And I have no idea what Kyle liked, but anything that would go with having smart girlfriends, penny loafers, and studying Philosophy in college and smoking Marlboro reds. James was my first Starbucks/Barnes and Noble friend and he probably liked weird music. I wonder if Meredith and Sarah are still together, or if Kyle has a witty girlfriend, or if Jody even has a girlfriend and sold his car.

The apartment is going well. I took some pictures with my phone to upload, but I forgot my micro-SD card reader thing at home, I think. It might be in some box somewhere. There's still a few boxes left. Everything is pretty much put together now though. We still need a few things, like plastic wrap, sandwich bags, oven mits, and a baking sheet. Other than that, we are pretty well off. I can't express how happy I am with how many things we moved in with. A lot of people's first places are dumps, but ours is wonderful. It's more spacious than my and my mom's apartment on Hilton Head. It has high ceilings, and ceiling fans, two fireplaces(that won't get used though). It's great. And I have a great girl living there with me. And a great rabbit, and a great hamster. It's just great.

I'm getting all of these ideas for books or stories, but I don't know where to begin with them. I just hope that I can get them down before they escape me. All I want to do is be a published, successful author. That's my goal in life. Well, let me correct that, a published, successful, happy author. There, that sounds a lot better.

The hardest part about the limited internet is not being able to keep up with my blogging lifestyle. I really hope that I find people around here who understand it and feel the same way I do about it. A big portion of my life is being connected through the internet, and it's difficult not to have that at my fingertips whenever I want it.

Catie said I should go to culinary school. I think that would be great, I just don't know what I'd do with it. I don't really want to be a cook or anything. Having a vegetarian/vegan restaurant would be cool, but I don't know if that's something I want to focus on. Back in middleschool, I was going to open one when I got out of high school with Dakota and Haley, but I really don't talk to either one of them anymore. I actually don't even know where Haley is anymore, or if she's okay. I really hope she's okay.

I haven't kept up with this recently.

2010-08-29T19:19:00.000-07:00

I feel pretty bad about it. So much has been going on that I just really haven't had time.

Catie and I move into the apartment in less than a week. I am scared, but very very excited for it. I'm scared that I won't get a job, that I won't be able to keep up with bills, but I know I can do it. Catie has an interview with the Gap on Broughton on Wednesday, I think. I'm happy for her.:] But one of our friends is staying over there this weekend, and later next week. I'm happy to have a place for people to sleep and chill and relax. And I'm happy to finally have a home with Catie, most of all.

This past week has been crazy, My mom was in the hospital for the whole week, so I stayed at Catie's. I could have stayed at my house, but I didn't want to. I just wanted to be with Catie. I was so used to seeing my mom being so strong. She's only gone to the hospital once before, and it was nothing like this. It was really really scary. I visited her just about every other day. I'm glad she's home. And I'm glad she's better. The only people who knew she was in the hospital up until yesterday were Catie and her family and my and my family. I didn't want to post something on Facebook or tell some of my friends because I didn't want them to worry or anything. It was just more convenient to keep it to myself.
Living with Catie for a week was great though. We slept together almost every night, and woke up to each other every morning, ate breakfast together, cooked dinner together. She made me ice cream sundaes and it was great. We spent so much time together and it made me so happy. Well, makes me so happy. Just thinking about it gives me butterflies. I'm sad that I'll sleep alone tonight, but I'm happy knowing that living together in the apartment is going to work. I already knew that, but this was just more confirmation of it. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. She really is.

I've been into sketching silhouettes of soldiers lately. I have all of these great ideas in my head and I can't wait to get them on paper. Maybe on canvas soon too. I just hope my hands can keep up with where my mind is going with this.

I have ten followers on this blog now! I'm very happy about it. I would just really like to know who my anonymous follower is... I really can't guess who it would be. Regardless, I am happy about this. I only had eight followers last time I looked.

I'm going to go. I have to pee.
Oh! I have a Tumblr here's the link.
Bye.

I need to learn how to get over this,

2010-08-19T22:42:00.000-07:00

it isn't healthy. But it is understandable.

I am happy though. Happiest that I've ever been, safe to say :]

forever.

Down a trail came a hobo hiking, and he said 'Boy, I'm not turning'

2010-08-03T12:34:00.000-07:00

It's been a month since I blogged last. Actually, over a month. I've probably had plenty of time to update this, but in my head I think I haven't.

A lot has gone on this(last) month. I went to Six Flags and Warped Tour with Tyler B., Tony Schacci, Badlyn, and Catie of course. It was a lot of fun. I got super tan and had an awesome time. It was a great way to end my summer, sort of like a last hurrah. That was my first real road trip without any parental supervision. It wasn't even like "Oh yay! No parents! Teehee, lets get drunk!" It just felt normal. When I told my mom about the trip initially and asked if she was okay with it she told me "Kara, I honestly don't have much control over what you do anymore." She didn't say it like she didn't want me to go or anything, she just said it normally. And that really is the case. My mom can't do anything to control me anymore. I don't take advantage of it. I don't go out and do a ton of drugs or get drunk or anything. I just... enjoy it? I guess.
Anyways, I'll talk about the roadtrip first. The trip there was really fun. Everyone crashed at Tyler's house the night before. We ate banana bread, talked and watched t.v. I really enjoy simple things like that. Just relaxing with people I enjoy. Anyways, the next morning it was time for the five hour haul to Atlanta. Toni and Badlyn were obsessing over spinach dip for a lot of the ride. Again, it was a lot of talking and it was just very enjoyable. No one really slept that much, and Tyler was driving and just popping caffeine pills to stay awake. We went to eat breakfast at a Subway, but it was closed and didn't open until ten, which is just dumb. I was really looking forward to a Subway English Muffin thing. I was gonna get my breakfast creativity on. We ended up eating gas station food and coffee, which was okay, and changed in the gas station bathroom. There are two things that really make a road trip in my opinion, changing in gas station bathrooms in the middle of nowhere and brushing your teeth with a bottle of water in the middle of a parking lot. Luckily, this trip had both of those things. Badlyn and I brushed our teeth with warm bottled water in the six flags parking lot. Six Flags was awesome, but it was hot as balls(to put it lightly) because of the blacktop. After we were done at Six Flags we headed back to the hotel where Badlyn, Tony, Catie and I chilled in the hot tub to relax out muscles so they'd be ready for Warped the next day and jump in to pool so it would be really cold.
Warped was the next day and we tried to go to Subway for breakfast, but were denied it again because they stop serving it at ten, which apparently means they stop serving it at 9:14. Needless to say, Warped was amazing. I saw all of my favorite bands, minus Attack Attack! because of the stupid rain and a shitty band taking their place in the amphitheater. Even with the torrential rainfall, Warped was excellent. And I was right up front for Reel Big Fish. I was touching the bar. It was awesome. In all forms of the word. I passed out on the way back and didn't wake up until we were home. It all felt like a blur, but in a good way.

My family on my mom's side visited a little over a week ago. They stayed for about five days in the tourist house adjacent to my aunt Linda's. I spent a lot of that week over there in the pool and talking with my family and it was really nice. They're all really great people and I'm glad that they're my family. We went to Savannah and ate at Paula Deen's, which was TERRIBLE but I loved the experience nonetheless, But Darcy, Josh, my mom and myself went back to the house because we didn't want to go shopping. My favorite day out of the vacation had to be when everyone was out shopping in Charleston except for Darcy, Josh and my mom an I. It was just really simple and we were just relaxing. It was the best. That was my favorite and playing wiffle-ball on the beach with everyone. It was just real, clean(sort of) fun.

Catie an I'd apartment opens up next week. It hasn't really hit me yet that I'm moving. I'm happy to get out of here though. I don't want to get stuck here because that's what happens to people. The good part is I'm not too far away. There's a few people left here who I really enjoy. But the best part is moving in with the person who I enjoy and adore the most, who I can see every day.

Catie got me a really cute ring today. It says "You're the apple of my eye". It's one of the punch-engrave ones. I really like it and don't plan to ever take it off. Partly because I kind of can't cause I have weird knuckles.

I'm pretty typed out.
Later.

There's this song...

2010-06-28T18:51:00.000-07:00

... called 'Superconnected' by Broken Social Scene. If you have not heard it then look it up and listen to it. It's a song that makes you feel infinite. It's a song that is kind of long, but while listening to it you wish it could go on forever or feel it was too short (except maybe the ending because Broken Social Scene drags all of their endings out for longer than needed and it's annoying sometimes.)
Anyways, 'Superconnected' is how I feel right now. A long time ago, I started this blog in my Computer Applications class with Mrs. (Ms.? It wouldn't surprise me)~~Graybitch~~ Graybill's class. After I started this, some of my friends thought to start one and then their friends and then their friends friends and so on. That's one thing that got me feeling 'Superconnected'. Another is that I'm so wrapped up in the Blogosphere that when I see something posted on a blog, I have more than likely seen it on another one a day, a week, or even months before. Sometimes I even post things that I see, like these:

It's even this way with music. I download things before people recommend them and then recommend them to other people. I just feel so... intertwined with everything. And I'm not tangled in it, it's just nice.

Maybe I'll be a famous Blogger one day.

But I'll leave you guys with a list of blogs I follow. Maybe you'll find them as great as I do.
http://www.straightdope.com/
http://www.foundshit.com/
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/
http://www.eatliver.com/
http://englishrussia.com/
http://cakeheadlovesevil.wordpress.com/
http://joannecasey.blogspot.com/
http://www.kuroneko-chan.com/echoes/
http://www.sprayblog.net/
http://jillstodayisaw.blogspot.com/
http://www.spaceghetto.st (Be warned, some of the things on here are pornographic or repulsive, but a lot of them are really, really funny.)

Have fun, kiddos.

If you never had a day a snowcone wouldn't fix.

2010-06-27T20:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't listened to Aesop in the longest time. None Shall Pass is playing right now. It reminds me of the beginning of 9th grade and meeting Blake, drinking and feeling nothing but numb all the time.
I didn't care about anything. Not girls (not legitimately, anyways), not school, not life. Nothing. I smoked Newports, the Malboro Menthols, then Camel Menthol Wides. My favorite thing to do was lay in the grass with my best friend, have a cigarette, and talk. Or not talk.
It was before Catie, before I knew what real love, or even love at all, really was. Before I knew what responsibility was. That there was more to life than my life. Before I knew that people changed.
I honestly think I was the happiest angry little kid that could be.

I never thought that I'd turn out the way I did. But boy oh boy am I glad I did.

2010-06-10T09:02:00.000-07:00

Last Friday I graduated from high school. Not much has changed, it hasn't even hit me yet that I don't have to go back to school next year. I don't have to worry about memorizing classes or trying to avoid the teachers that spell death. All I have to do is get a job and a car. I have a decent amount of money saved up, and there's a handful of places that are open. There are so many people I know who would have graduated this year that didn't, or that would have graduated next year that wont. A lot of my friends, or used to be friends have dropped out, or their in jail, or I just don't know where they are.
When I think of high school, so many things come to mind. I had my first girlfriend, it was long distance but I still saw her. I had crazy girlfriends. Alex W, Badlyn Joey Sevin and I would just sit under the bleachers and talk or sleep during gym. I had to deal with the creeper teacher Mr. Grant. I met Mrs. Fulton who loves me now, but didn't back then. I went to great concerts. I almost fucked everything up that I had going. I got pro at skipping school. I discovered new loves, one of which is this. I got the most wonderful girl in the world. I had the liberation of chopping off my 'fro. And I met a group of friends who could get me into more trouble than I'd ever know.

I'll address everyone anonymously. I don't think everyone wants their secrets out there, even though everyone involved should be able to point them out.
You influenced me the most. If I would have followed your road, a road that my best friend at the time easily could have, I'd be snorting coke off of the back of toilets and bumming rides from people for drug deals. I know that if I got into that, it would have consumed me, maybe more than it consumed you. Everything that went along with what hanging out with you entailed wrapped itself around me already, smoking of all sorts and drinking... a lot, so if I followed your lifestyle I doubt I'd be here writing this. You were really cool, I guess I sort of looked up to you, but that was my mistake. You deffinitley helped me set my boundaries as to what I wouldn't do and who I wouldn't become.
I wish that you didn't move. You were a really good friend, and I thought of you like a brother. You looked out for me, and I can't express how much I appreciated it. I miss you a lot. I hope you're doing well, but it seems like you are.
We've grown apart. Badly. I really wish that we could be like we were again, but our lifestyles don't mix. Believe me, I enjoy hanging out with you when I can, doing simple things and just enjoying each other's company.
You're in jail now, for something you didn't really do. I want to visit you so bad. I miss you a lot. I could lean on you when I needed to, and you could lean on me too.
You've been so much fun to hang out with. I randomly run into you a lot, and I like where you are. I feel like out of everyone, you and I are the most on the same page.
I wish you were who you used to be. I miss the old you, as dumb as that sounds. The you before you started hanging out with your cough syrup drinking friends. I don't know if they're really your friends anymore because you moved. I think you I lost the friend in you that I knew in the summer. You were my best friend, you were basically my brother. And ever since the summer I've only gotten a glimpse of the you I knew once. I really don't know you anymore.
You're in rehab now. I haven't seen you in months. You were supposed to walk the stage with me last Friday. I've known you the longest out of everyone here. I miss you a lot. Even though you've changed so much, whenever I'm with you, or was with you, you'd still be the same person to me. You're funny, no doubt about it. You have one of the best senses of humor of anyone I know. I hope you're better when you come back.

You are the love of my life, the apple of my eye. The sun to my sky, my world. We've been through so much, but I think that's expected with being together for approaching three years. I'm so excited to move away with you, and start school and our life together. You saved me from the hole I was in freshman year, and have been by my side ever since. You're the best girlfriend and you keep me in check. You're my best friend, you're my everything. Our future is bright, I'm so excited for it. I can't thank Alex enough for telling you I thought you were cute that one day. And I can't thank you enough for staying with me even though I wouldn't have blamed you if you didn't. My life was crazy for the first six months of our relationship, but you stuck with me. After you pulled me out of that hole, it became apparent that you were all I needed. You're the most beautiful, loving, compassionate, kind person I've ever met and I can't imagine ever being with anyone else. You're always on my mind. I could go on forever about you, so I'll just sum it up as this: I love you more than anyone, I love you more than time to come.

I got a hard drive for my 360 a few days ago, finally. It took way too long. Anyways, it was the best 75 dollars I've ever spent. I activated my Xbox Live free month I got when I got the dreaded Red Ring of Death and I've been on it playing L4D (Left 4 Dead) online every day. It's so addicting. I'm a pretty beast Tank, if I do say so myself.

That's about all that's new. I think this blog is done.

So it's official.

2010-05-31T16:36:00.000-07:00

I'm done with high school. Forever. My grandpa, aunt, two cousins, and uncle are coming to my graduation. I'm walking, Catie's walking. We're going out to eat, it's nice. I feel so... free. I don;t have to worry about school anymore. I don't have to worry about rumors, or what people think, or how my grades are, or if my mom is happy with them. I'm done.

My family visited this weekend. Darcy and Josh came and brought Darcy's dog, Dyson. He's the cutest dog ever, I just wish he didn't fart so damn much. It was really nice. Especially to have Josh back, I missed him a lot. Nothing else really happened. My aunt made me really mad, and that's about it. At least my mom and my girlfriend are on my side.

I had a really nice day with Catie today. She was having a rough time with her parents and had a cancelled appointment, so she came over to my house after I got back and we watched t.v. and ate Chinese food and played Left 4 Dead. It was really nice.

There isn't all that much that's happened since my last blog, so sorry for the lack of substance.
Later.

There was only fire, and then... nothing;

2010-05-06T18:00:00.000-07:00

I've been on a Gorillaz kick recently. I downloaded four of their albums last night, and I love every single song. They aren't one of those bands where you like a few or more songs off of every album for me, every song is different and I appreciate each and every song.
The Gorillaz are just a small part of my new iTunes library. It grows by 50 to a hundred songs every week or so. My songs from my iPod aren't even on it yet... I have a lot of work to do.

I have a lot of work to do in everything. Some weight has been lifted off of my shoulders though; my AP exam for Lit/comp was today. It wasn't that hard, I was expecting it to be tougher. I'm not complaining though. My AP Lang/comp exam is the 12th, and my Prob/stat exam is the 13th. I have assorted finals in between and then I'm DONE. Finally. This moment has been calling me all of my life and now it's finally here.

Now is one of the first days I've had to chill in awhile. It hasn't been all chill though, I had a busy day. So I guess tonight is the first night I've had to chill in awhile. I got the time to put up a new picture blog [which you should look at] and type a full blog that isn't rushed. Words can't convey how nice this feels. My schedule is:
Sunday- Algebra II tutoring for an hour and a half to two hours;
Monday- SAT prep tutoring for an hour, homebound meeting for an hour to an hour and a half, school if a "b" day;
Tuesday- school if "b" day, homebound for an hour to an hour and a half;
Wednesday- school if a "b" day, homebound for an hour to an hour and a half;
Thursday- Algebra II tutoring for an hour, appointments in Charleston every three weeks, meeting with Dr. Geiger every three weeks;
Friday- prob/stat for an hour minimum;
Saturday- prob/stat for an hour minimum; repeat.
I have a very hectic schedule.

Recently, I've been getting back into YouTube-ing. I'm considering to start vlogging, but I don't have a camera other than the webcam built into my laptop. If I'm to start doing it, now would be the time because it's all go, go, go from here after graduation.

Catie moved out of my house last? weekend I believe. Yeah, last weekend. I miss her always being around, but we have plenty of time for that in the future. She's back with her parents and happy, I hope. Her parents are so wishy-washy.
I had a very good day with her today. We went to Atlanta Bread and ate and talked and hung out at Barnes and Noble and... Walgreen's. And then we went to Wal-Mart in search of something they didn't have but Walgreen's did. But I had a lot of fun walking around with her. That's one of my favorite things to do with her. Yesterday was fun too, I hung out with a lot of people that I usually don't get the chance to and it was really nice.

That's about all of my life right now.
Later.

I want to kiss you on the mouth, and tell you I'm your biggest fan;

2010-04-29T20:22:00.000-07:00

Boy oh boy, have these last few weeks been hectic.
I'm studying for my final exams in Algebra II, Prob/Stat, and AP Lang. I'm hauling ass to get all of my work in for AP Lit. and coincidentally just has my appeal meeting for my grade. I don't think it will get changed, but I'm sure Mrs. O'Nan will appreciate knowing all of the deadbeat teachers in the school, along with some arrogant asshole assistant principals.... Anyways, things have been really busy, but everything is good. Like, really good. Like, reallyreallyreally good. Sorry for all of the emphasis, but things have just been great latley.
Catie moved in with me temporarily. She's been here ever since Saturday night (which was technically Sunday morning, but whatever) due to an unfortunate series of events with her sophomore roommate who will not be named. So she's staying until Sunday. I've enjoyed playing videogames with her everyday, and helping her with her homework, and cuddling and doing cute couple-ey stuff, and laying in the field, and looking at houseware things and being able to hug and kiss her goodnight every night since Saturday and it's the best. I even went to two full days of school with her this week. I really don't want her to leave, I get sad just thinking about it. She hasn't gotten on my nerves once while staying here, and that's how I know it will be great when we move in together. I can't wait.

My Algebra is all caught up now. I have a 71 first quarter, and 89 second, and an 87 third. I'm very proud of myself. I used to be five months behind and have a 34%.

And there's a link to a song that I posted on my Tumblr here. I'm too lazy to set up a podcast so I can post songs here. But this song has been in my head for almost a week now, and it's because I'm so happy. I don't think I've ever been this happy before in my life honestly. And it should be obvious why.

But I think I'm done here. I'm getting into the ukulele again, and it's nice. Currently, I'm working on my own song. It's not as easy as I hoped.

Bye.

And we have lift off [volume two];

2010-04-19T18:15:00.001-07:00

I graduate June fourth. In between then is Senior Fun Day [this Friday], prom [this Saturday], my prob/stat class is done May 12th, the Senior Slideshow, and graduation of course.
I have so much to do. I need to catch up in my Algebra class , I need to catch up in AP Lang. I need to buy my graduation dress. I need to send out graduation announcements, I need to get everything set up so the transition between here and SAV with Catie will be easy, I need to get a job, I need to get my license, I need to get a car, I need to get a job in SAV, and I need to finish those damn paintings.
I need to take my SAT's, I need to put out college applications, and I NEED to get accepted.

Other than all of that stress, everything's great. There are so may people who have dropped out that it's pathetic. I'll just do initials so I don't offend anyone, but I'm pretty sure that none of them even give a shit. JC,CC,DA,MW,AH,CB,ID[soon],LE, and there's someone else who's name escapes me... but most of these people [most, not all] are completley deadbeat losers now. And coke addicts.
I've been spending a lot of time with Catie and it's great, I think I say that every time but it really is. We're moving in together soon, and I couldn't be more excited. We're both graduating this year, and hopefully she's going to California with me. I'm pumped.
I just made yet another blog yesterday. I made a Tumblr. I don't know if I like it though; it's sort of complicated. Having it makes me feel like a loser though, because now I have four blogs. Since I want to be a successful author when I'm a bit older, I suppose it's okay.

Well, I should go.
Later.

Someone's status inspired me to do this:

2010-04-07T20:06:00.000-07:00

School can suck my dick.
Bitches (not as in girls) can suck my dick.
Liars can suck my dick.
Hypocrites can suck my dick.
Shitty music can suck my dick.
Shitty friends can suck my dick.
Shitty people can suck my dick.
People in general, can suck my dick.

I'm so sick of everything right now. Well, everything except you.
These next eight weeks better go by fast or else I'm gonna lose it.

I can't wait to get out of here with you.

Oh, just an fyi; I don't have a dick.

I'm writing again.

2010-03-23T19:17:00.001-07:00

So keep your eyes peeled for new stories.

2010-03-09T17:58:00.000-08:00

And someone's following my blog anonymously and I'm very curious as to who it is...

Back to the dust where I began...

2010-03-09T17:29:00.000-08:00

I feel so damn overwhelmed with school these days. Some of you are probably thinking "Oh, she's on homebound, it can't be that hard. But I've seriously been working my ass off from 6pm to 12 or 1am for the past two weeks. With normal school, you get a set break to chill, Saturday and Sunday. With homebound, you don't.
I'm constantly working all of the time and I have a terrible classload. This includes Marine Science, Public Speaking, AP Lit&Comp, AP Lang&Comp, Algebra 2, painting and ceramics are good, and Honors Economics. Public Speaking is taught by a by-the-book English teacher, which makes it like I'm taking THREE AP English classes instead of the terrible two that I'm already taking due to a dumbfuck guidance counselor. Oh, and I have an online AP Prob/Stat class to juggle all of this with. That's 9 classes. NINE.
I'm three projects behind in Ceramics because of being sick for three months, and my Ceramics teacher who understands left and now we're stuck with this bitch sub and everything is due next week. And no matter what you make, she criticizes to and gives you a shitty grade. I'm two chapters behind in Algebra 2 for the same reason I'm behind in Ceramics, and I go to a tutor two times a week for two hours just to try to catch up.

At least all of this is worth it, that's what keeps me going. Once I finish this, I'm off to Savannah with Catie and we can start our beautiful life together. I just want to be done with highschool. I want to move forward with my life, with our life. I just wish all of this work would dissapear.

Since I just talked to my dad a few minutes ago and couldn't remember the contents of my weekend, I decided that I'd blog them for memory and for old times sake.
Friday I hung out with Catie and just chilled around for a while. Then Mike gave us a call and invited us to his place because he was throwing a going away get together. It was then that we were informed that it would be his last night here and that he was moving to Texas. I am very sad about this, because he really was a great friend, but moving on; Shannon was there, along with Ciara, Josh Cooke, Karen, Jesse :/, and Katie Sleygal. Oh, and Mike of course. We all just played Apples to Apples and talked and stuff. It was really nice.
Saturday I woke up at 6am to see Alice in Wonderland in IMAX 3D with Catie, Kelsey, and Julia. It was a really fun time. We went to the mall aswell. I like malls. If there was a decent mall around here, I know that I'd be a mallrat. After that, Catie and I hing around her house for a bit until plans with Logan and Jose were solidified and we went to Dolphin Head to hang out on the playground and see the moonlight illuminated beach. Afterwards we went to Fancy Q to eat, and met up with Alex at B&N. We ended up at Lynn's house to find Kelsey, who went to grandmas too much ans we had to babysit her the remainder of the night. Before the true babysitting began, Logan, Jose, and I were being dragons in the cold night, and it was a lot of fun. After Jose and Logan left, Alex, Catie, Kelsey and I went to Sam N.'s dad's house for another get together and had to babysit Kelsey. The house was nice, and I had a lot of fun hanging out with Catie. I was back at home around 11:30, which was fine by me because I was exhausted from the day.
Sunday I went spot hunting for a club I don't know will happen with Maia and Barecci. It was all good, except that my spot has ticks, and Maia's has snakes. So there's some kinks to be worked out in that... well... a lot of kinks. But whatever. Catie came over after I got out from tutoring to help me with my AP Lit work, which was great. We ate cheese enchiladas and almond butter and honey sandwiches and talked and worked and just had a nice time. I hope things like that happen more often because I really enjoyed it.

Well, that's about it. I should begin on my daunting homework now :|
Later.

Haiti;

2010-02-24T17:09:00.001-08:00

Koalas make freaky noises.

2010-02-23T19:11:00.001-08:00

I'm a brother to the fox.

2010-02-10T13:36:00.000-08:00

Today was my first day of job shadowing the art teacher at the elementary school, and I absolutley loved it. It isn't something I could see myself doing int the future really. Maybe it's just because it's at the elementary school. I think middleschool would be more my speed. I can sympathize with poor, awkward, middleschool children. But anywayssssss, all I did was paint things all day and help little kids sculpt things out of clay, and make signs for the school. It was really fun, and I'm excited to do it again tomorrow. I even said that I'd help out Mrs. Pitts with the stage for the Mulan play they're doing, so that should be fun too.
The only thing I don't like about it is walking there in the morning. IT'S.SO.FREAKING.COLD.

Everything else is going pretty well, too. Things with Catie and I are so amazing. I don't think I was even this happy before everything went downhill those months ago.
We can just lay together and talk and be happy. We can just walk and talk about things and talk about kids and houses and dogs and our life together and clothes and people and religion and... just... everything. It makes me so happy. We don't ever really fight, and when we do we talk it out. I think before everything happened, the reason we never ever fought was because we were both too scared to say something. But now we're open and can talk to each other and work out any problems we might have. It's really nice.
I guess what we went through really helped us. A month or two ago, I couldn't honestly say that I love every terrible, awful, heartwrenching thing we went through because all I saw was how miserable it made me for four months, and how it affected me negativley and it still shows. But now I can honestly say that I love every terrible, awful, heartwrenching thing that we went through because all of the negative is fading away, and I can see how much it opened up my eyes and pretty much... well, matured me and you. You handle things better, I handle things better, and I just feel so right with you.
I think I'll end this section, because it's getting cheesy. But I'm more in love than I'll ever know.

School is the only rough thing right now. I'm overwhelmed with homebound homework right now, and I just started my online math class. My homework problem will go away within the next two days, when I actually finish it all. Then maybe my new math class wont be so daunting. I've worked on some of it though, and it isn't so bad. I have a 91% in it right now, so I'm happy. :] The rest of my homework wouldn't be bad at all if Hamlet didn't exist. Damn you, William Shakespeare.

I'm on an insane Deastro kick right now. Deastro and Tommy Guerrero. But Tommy G. has always been my baseline music-wise. He soothes my soul.

I'm done typing.
Later.

For Catie;

2010-02-01T16:46:00.001-08:00

Days will certainly get better.

2010-01-27T16:42:00.001-08:00

And I can't wait to beat the shit out of you.

Ha.

2010-01-23T16:35:00.000-08:00

Fuckin' Russian's.

My head hurts, I'm burping up orange juice, and Lady Gaga sounds like she(?) has a sinus cold;

2010-01-19T18:47:00.000-08:00

but everything else in my life is perfect.

Choke,

2010-01-18T21:55:00.000-08:00

Bloody Beetroots and Silversun Pickups in the morning; Casablanca, Catie and endless love in the night.

I am truly happy.

2010-01-17T19:12:00.001-08:00

Death Cock.

2010-01-15T08:41:00.001-08:00

Shit's crazy.

2010-01-14T09:29:00.001-08:00

2010-01-11T13:18:00.000-08:00

This is great. Being grounded, is not.

Welcome to hell.

Another:

2010-01-04T18:20:00.001-08:00

I love Tiny Tim.

Just because I'm picking up the ukulele,

2010-01-04T18:03:00.001-08:00

I give you this video:

2010-01-03T09:58:00.000-08:00

2009-12-28T20:10:00.000-08:00

It's been a great year, overall. Today was a very, very great day spent with a very, very special girl. And you're right, every terrible, horrible, intolerable, painstaking moment that we've been through is all worth it. It really is. I'm happier now than I have ever been. Even before all of the old bullshit. I feel a connection with you I haven't before, and it's just... amazing. :) I am very happy right now. And I know I always will be. I made the right choice. :)
You listen to me, even when it's nothing great to say. You tell me important things, you ask how I'm doing, You hold me and let me hold you, you read cute little kid books to me and it's my favorite, you tell me juicy gossip and you enjoy my friends. There's so many great things about you that I can't even begin to list. The past is behind us now, and we're moving forward with a vengeance. I am happier now than ever before. And I'm also in love... again. :) I know you're a better person out of this, and I am too. You make me happier than anyone will ever know.

This year, so many things have happened. I mean, we got our first not all white president, Michael Jackson died, Billy Mays died, Farah Faucett died, that old guy died, and I have a distinct memory to go along with each one. I'm a senior, I'm on homebound, I have old friends who turned into junkies this year, and I have friends who turned out great. I have seen so many relationships form and crumble before my eyes this year, and I've seen ones that I thought would last a long while fall and tear apart in seconds, And this isn't all 'romantic' relationships, it's friend ones too. I will never forget this year, no matter what. I don't want to though. This year has made me and broken me, and made me again. I can remember just what I was doing this time, last year. Preparing for this year and all. I never would have expected it to be this way, but I wouldn't change a single thing about it. Nothing at all.

This Christmas was a good one too. I got in much needed family bonding time thanks to the Nintendo Wii, and I got a new t.v., a book, two gift cards, 40 dollars, and a haircut for Christmas. :) I'd call this a great holiday season.
Oh& Bioshock II comes out reaaallllly soon! Whoe else is excited besides me?!?!?!

Not to end this on a bad-ish not but you; if you keep doing what you're doing, you're going to have a fist in your face, you and you. So shut you fat mouths and keep to yourself. You reap what you sew.

But I'm tired, and am enjoying the wonders that are sleeping in my own bed.
Goodnight, and if there's not another post before this year is over,
goodyear.

2009-12-22T18:30:00.000-08:00

Ahhhh...

2009-12-16T15:44:00.000-08:00

Today was good. :]

And this just makes it better:

Last one of today:

2009-12-13T15:48:00.001-08:00

And for Catie:

2009-12-13T15:41:00.001-08:00

2009-12-13T15:33:00.001-08:00

Since I no longer have Facebook or Twitter, I'm going to start sharing my interesting YouTube videos on here.

Today's favorites:

And one for the holidays:
Merry Christmas, or whatever holiday you celebrate.

Another day of Mission Hill episodes,

2009-12-11T09:44:00.000-08:00

cooking, playing with my rabbit, talking on the phone, and reading multiple Straight Dope articles.

I am really enjoying this. :]

I've learned a lot today.

2009-12-08T18:21:00.000-08:00

Aluminum actually does cause Alzheimer's, seeds in fruit can kill you, having a crease in your earlobe (which I coincidentally have :|) means that you have a much elevated risk of getting heart disease, the Secret Service isn't responsible for making sure the president doesn't get hammered, and Megan Fox and I have the same policy dating women. Not saying that I'd want to date Megan Fox, because I honestly don't want to.

My homebound stuff is set up, and I'm happy about that. I don't know what else I'm happy about. I'm happy with my social life, and everything that falls in that category. For the most part. I don't want to get into it much, but things that were a problem with some of my old friends are still prevalent with my new ones. And when I'm out it feels like my freshmen year all over again, and I don't like it. There's a reason my life isn't like that anymore, and I don't want this to jeopardize anything.
Maybe I deserve this time to cut loose, considering everything that's happened. But I fall into habits quick, and this isn't a good one.

I think I'm going to litter train my rabbit. Since I'm around her more she's becoming a bigger part of my life and I like it. The fact that she likes to eat my pants is frustrating though. She chewed a hole through my comfiest pair. :/

There isn't anything of particular interest going on now. At least, that I'm willing to share.

I think I'm going to start writing more since I have more free time. Then I can burn useless manuscripts by breathing fire on them. Haha

2009-12-05T19:42:00.000-08:00

I think I'm going to pick up fire breathing as a hobby.

2009-12-04T19:29:00.000-08:00

I can't even think of a title, and it took me five tries to spell everything in the title out right. Stuff like this happens a lot, with things so familiar. Like driving, and playing my 360, and plugging in my phone, and eating, and talking, and thinking. Fixing small little problems that happen everyday are even becoming complicated. I cant remember anything from previous conversations if I have to. The smallest things make me nervous, anxious. The bigger things just draw a blank to me. A lot of times I just zone out and I'm in this... trance, almost. I'm oblivious to everything going on around me, and I forget how I got to places.

I think I'm fine. I think I'm crazy. I hate myself. I'm okay with myself. I don't know who I am. I look in the mirror and see a person. I look in the mirror and see nothing. I'm alive. I'm dead. I'm empty. I'm full. I'm full of life. I'm full of... nothing.

My mind is racing, and then it's a standstill. I don't feel anything, then I'm angry, furious, homicidal, suicidal, then nothing. I'm tired and I can't sleep. I've been tired for longer than I can remember. Since July maybe. It's been a long long time.

I'm down to 95 pounds. I haven't been below the 100 mark since maybe sixth grade? This is unhealthy, dangerous, but I'm eerily detached from it. I mean, it's my body and it's my life, I should be concerned for it's well being. Shouldn't I? But I can't bring myself to be. Maybe it's a coping mechanism. I don't know if I could deal with this on top of everything else and come out alive.

Nevermind about the title, I just got rid of it.

Maybe there is something wrong with me.

2009-12-02T08:45:00.001-08:00

I can't fucking believe you. I can't believe any of this. All of the people who knew and didn't tell me. You know, it was so fucking apparent that one of the two people who did say something honestly thought I already knew. What we had was special, it was unique, one of a kind. It was beautiful, and kind, and amazing. And now its all fucking over because of this. I let my guard down for one person, let one person in who promised never to lie to me, never to cheat on me, and I get fucked over. You did the same fucking thing to me that Courtney did. Except with my ex-best friend. And you dated two people at the same time. And this shit went on for close to two months. The thought that I kissed you after you kissed him repulses me. He's a sick fuck as is.

You fucking promised me. I can't believe I ever trusted you. I can't fucking believe you. Ha. Believe.

I can't wait to get the fuck out of here.

11/17/09

2009-11-17T16:04:00.001-08:00

I've read the note that you gave me today about three times, and I smile even bigger every time I read it over.

You make me so happy, and I love you so much.

.

2009-11-04T19:31:00.001-08:00

Things are looking up. They really are. =]

2009-10-28T12:02:00.000-07:00

I don't think I can post that. It' might have more negative reprecussions than positive ones.

And here I was

2009-10-25T11:19:00.000-07:00

hoping this whole time, almost praying if I believed in a higher power or god of some sort, for this weekend to end. For you to say that everything is okay, that everything is more than okay, that it will be perfect. Ending this awful Sunday in happiness by telling me that, telling me 'We are okay' and watching this with me at 9. The thing I've been looking forward to for over a month. ~~I wanted~~ I want to spend it with you. Actually, I've been looking forward to this whole time off for the purpose of you and me, and where am I now?

It may be soon, it may be sooner than I could imagine, but right now, I am absolutley miserable.

2009-10-02T17:40:00.001-07:00

I feel like I'm about to die.

2009-10-01T19:25:00.000-07:00

We never talk anymore. Every night I feel like it's cut shorter and shorter.

I guess I'm not okay after all.

2009-10-01T18:46:00.000-07:00

And that wasn't directed towards you.

I close my eyes and think of you and shut out all the aggravation.

2009-10-01T17:06:00.000-07:00

I haven't seriously blogged in a long time. All that I've typed are two small ones, and they weren't full of substance.

I suppose I'm better now. I'm just really angry a lot. I guess that will pass sometime. Anytime that someone bumps into me in the hall, I'm ready to jump on them. I have stare-downs with people if they step on my foot, or even bump me slightly. I get these like, rushes of adrenaline and just want to punch someone in the face. The whole scene plays out in my head too, but Catie's usually always there to mediate it. I don't know what I'd do without her. I can safely say that I'd be in a lot of trouble a lot of the time is she wasn't there. It's even come to me breaking things now. I've broken my keyboard, and the wheel on my computer chair already. I've only had my computer chair since about august. I don't have anything to vent on, really. I suppose that I should find an outlet. I'll probably just start going to the gym again. That was fun.

A Day to Remember is on MTV. Weird.

School is ridiculous this year. I honestly don't know how I'm going to be able to take another class on top of all of this. I'm only doing bad in two classes, one of which is Algebra, the other is AP Lit. My AP class grade is only low because we only have four grades in. We just did our summer reading essay, and took a test, so I should be good soon. And math is just not my forte. My A day book bag is ridiculous. It weighs just as much as me, no kidding. It takes all of my upper body strength to pick it up. I hate it. Ceramics, on the other hand, is great. Thinking about upper body strength made me think about it, cause ceramics uses a lot of upper body strength. We're making pinch pot monsters right now. I like mine a lot. After it's all finished and stuff, I think I'm giving it to Catie.

Zach Braff should not have a beard.

I finally have my 360 back. It took awhile, but it was certainly worth the wait. I got a free month of Xbox Live, and a nicely typed letter of apology form Microsoft. Ever since receiving it on a spectacular day, I've been playing it non-stop.

Ugh. My music isn't even halfway copied to my iTunes. Bleh. That's the only downside to getting Windows 7; I have to find some online software to copy my music.

Whoo. Just made a hat. The one I've been trying to get is completely sold out. Oh well. I can make one for cheaper.

I should go though, I have an AP paper to write.
Bye.

2009-10-01T16:00:00.001-07:00

Go fuck yourself.

2009-09-26T22:46:00.000-07:00

Tonight was so perfect.

I really needed this, you probably did too. I love you

2009-09-08T17:43:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to be on here much for two weeks or so. I've been having an onset of sadness recently, and I'm trying to cut down on worrying about things that are trivial. So I'm not going to hassle myself about blogging much. I may be on for an update here or there, but I just need to keep my mind uncluttered.

Everything seems to be overwhelming me, so this seems like a step in the right direction.

But my head's to the wall, and I'm lonley.

2009-08-23T19:20:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been feeling like I'm always tired. It seems like the smallest, most insignificant things drain all of my energy and bring me down. I seem to be sad or angry all of the time over the dumbest things and I try not to be, I really do, but it just doesn't work. And I think that just makes it worse, that I'm upset over something stupid and I know it, but I'm still upset about it.
Especially this. This is so stupid but it makes me so scared. You don't even know. And I can't explain it to you because I feel like a moron talking about it. It's like that with a lot of things. I'm just not good with talking about anything, except for things that no one cares about.
And it's not like I have anyone to talk to anymore, all I really have is you. I don't know if you get it when I say that I don't really have any friends, I really don't. Sure, there are people I talk to, but very very few are real friends of mine. I couldn't carry on a real conversation with them if I honestly wanted to. That's why your parents enforcing this phone thing really hurts me. Especially now, because I've been needing you more than ever, but you can't talk because of your parents. The past week has been awful for me, aside from yesterday. Today was really nice, but I ended up feeling really sad towards the end of it. All I want to do is talk to you, and sometimes I'm scared to. I'm scared for one thing, or that you wont have a phone anymore. I just want to talk to you.

I think I'm going to bed. You aren't texting me back, and I need to tackle the day tomorrow.
After all, I am a senior now.

Last day of summer.

2009-08-16T19:24:00.001-07:00

Last first day of schooling, hopefully. I need to sign up to take the ACT's and stuff, and start planning my life.

It's time to get my shit straight.

Today was great.

2009-08-12T21:48:00.000-07:00

I've never cried out of happiness before, or danced like that to Elvis Presley, or held someone so close and had the feeling of never letting go during a Coldplay song.

I love you, so much.

I lost them all in combat.

2009-08-08T20:21:00.000-07:00

Catie's been gone for almost two weeks. I thought I was okay, but I'm seriously going crazy. She'll be back on Tuesday, but I seldom believe the day that she gets back from these things because her mom is notorious for extending family vacations for no good reason. I miss her so much. This would be worse than last year if I had a heart attack thing again, even though it's a lot shorter this time.

Everything was so different last summer as opposed to this one. I'm excited to see how next summer is going to be. We'll be talking about getting our own place and moving out and stuff. I don't know if you know how happy I am about that.

I think I'm going to get a college degree in Marine Biology. I really want to be a whale shark researcher/conservationist when I'm older. Then my lover and I can live in this beautiful place. I have my whole remaining year of my high school education mapped out as well. That may not seem like a big deal, but I'm graduating a year early if everything goes according to plan. I don't want to think about school though. I want my summer to keep going, even though I feel like it ended the last second I saw you.

Summer's been cool. I haven't done everything that I wanted to. We even made a list. I don't like lists because they make it look like you didn't do much if they're really long and you've only done a few things. Even if those things are huge. Like Warped. Warped was huge. And I think that counts as crowdsurfing, and diving, you should be proud. I think at least. I'm proud of you, I wouldn't have had the guts to do that. But next summer I don't want to make a list.

This isn't very collected, so I apologize.
My mind is everywhere nowadays.

I don't know

2009-07-21T20:19:00.001-07:00

if that counts as a story.

My body looks yellow

2009-07-21T20:03:00.000-07:00

compared to the paint on the walls. It almost matches my skin, but it's more of a mustard color. Hopefully it isn't weird that that's what I'm thinking about. It's all that I see. My red contrasting the yellow of the space surrounding us. It's like a fast food joint. Maybe that's why the bathrooms are this color. They want everyone to leave. They don't want us there.
I wipe your face.
My eyes are red, your's are too. It matches what I'm wearing. Maybe wearing all of this was a bad idea. It's the color of all of the negative things tonight.
I don't want you to leave. The worst part of my summer is when you're gone. All I do is sit around and cry. I feel alone and miserable. It's your last family vacation though. Once September is gone they've lost their hold on you. They control you no longer.
I'm standing holding you up. Even though you're on a counter and that's what's holding you up. So I guess I'm pushing you back. You latch on to me like a finger monkey and my body is the finger. It's sad that I like that so much, I think. Moments like that when you need me so badly. There are few moments where I feel so close to you. Nothing can tear us apart.
My turtle gives you a kiss that makes you laugh. I wipe your face again. You say words so sweet to me. I could hear them for the rest of my life and be happy.
You start crying again. I hold you once more and let you get the tears out. I'd stay here forever to make sure that you would be happy when we leave.
Your head leaves the cradle of my neck and shoulder when we hear a voice. We aren't doing what they think. He's wrong again. Everything feels more right though. Everyone's happier. Especially you. I just want you to be happy. And you are, as far as I can tell. It will be okay.

I'm your Hercules and you're my Meg.
Forever.

2009-07-17T11:06:00.001-07:00

Slutslutslutslutslutslutslutslutslutslutslut.

My computer has been out of commission for awhile.

2009-07-12T17:02:00.000-07:00

And so have I. Not really 'out of commission' just like, braindead to the rest of the world. I forget that more than this exists. I think I've seen my friends parents more than my own these past two weeks. Today is the most time that I've seen my mom at once as well. I only really hang out with two people anymore. The group I had that used to be 10 went to five, which went to four, which is now three. I don't know if anyone gets that. It just seems like I've had cutbacks on friends just like the school had cutbacks on teachers, and how California has cutbacks on everything. I makes me really sad sometimes, because I feel alone. I know I'm not, I have Cody as a best friend and Catie as my best friend and my lover, but it just happens. Blake is always out smoking pot, and Alex has her own group of friends now. I still care about her, but it's becoming increasingly difficult to hang out with her. I'm happy with life though, very happy. And Warped is coming up. Who couldn't be happy about that?

This summer has been filled with swimming, euphoria, going to grandma's, good people, good times, parties, and bad tourists. It's a good Hilton Head summer. Myself and my friends ran into an old friend in a certain hippie's car along with her boyfriend, Mike, and Kieth who is the coolest forty-something year old hippie I know. It wasn't so much how great the situation was and how I felt that I'd be okay there forever that made it so great, it was they way everyone said goodbye. Everyone said 'peace', and not in the stupid shitty cliche way that everyone is adorning it and using it as a mockery of the actual thing, but in a way that sunk in to me and made me feel... at home? I guess. That's the only way I can put it. I just hope there's more days like that.

I like the beach when the sand feels like MoonSand. When it forms to your body, and doesn't cling to you. It just chills around you. And this only occurs after a very light, but substantial rain.

There's premium ceramic polysinthetic thermal compound past under my fingernails, and it is quite discomforting.

I chew too much gum.

I'm going to go because this is just turning into an account of my train of thought.
Bye.

I don't know.

2009-06-24T13:27:00.001-07:00

I'm not in summerschool, I don't know if I can graduate early, you're going to be hours away from me in a year, my mood goes up and down all of the time, I feel out of place, I only have two or possibly three real friends, I don't get anything, I don't really like the Kings of Leon, my grammar and typing skills are going down the drain, I feel stupid, I feel annoying, I think you think I'm annoying, I feel useless.

Summertime.

2009-06-16T17:22:00.000-07:00

Is here. I got a packet for summerschool, and I'm doing virtual school over the course of next schoolyear so I can graduate early. This year went by so fast. I feel like the first time I stepped into school as a sophomore was yesterday, and the next time that I step in it, I'll be a senior. Isn't that great? I can't wait to get this all out of the way.
I don't want to think about school though, so I'll tell you about my summer so far.

Cody, Catie and I decided to watch the electric storm coming in on the beach this weekend. It was surrounding us from almost all sides, and it was incredible. We just sat there and sipped at our pirates coconut cola, and watched it as we sat next to the lifeguard stand in the dead of night. As we were leaving, a drunk black guy said for us to get out of the water, and that he loves Cody. Cody loves him too. We invented a new summer drink, appropriately named, the Labbit. It's been a very good summer so far. I know this one will be a great one.

We went tanning today, and it was really fun. We, Cody Catie and I, just chilled at the Holiday Inn pool. We saw a few people there who we knew and just tanned and swam and had a good time. I shouldn't really blog about today though, because today is far from over. And It's Catie and I's 17 month anniversary. =] I'm so happy.

Well, I'm going to go. This is short, but to the point. I guess.
Bye.

[untitled]

2009-06-03T18:04:00.000-07:00

Three people have said they're proud of me this week, my mom made cookies, I got a super delicious burrito, I made advances with a certain someone, everything's great with my girlfriend, I think it's safe to call Cody a best friend, I think I'm doing good in Geometry, I'm getting my license soon, and life is bearable.

This week is awesome.

It's June already.

2009-06-01T18:57:00.000-07:00

Last month flew by so fast. This month, we get out of school, I start summer AND virtual school, Catie and I's 17month is this month, and I'm getting my hair cut. Not trimmed, cut. And 17 months is such a long time. I'm so happy about it though, because I'm completely crazy about Catie. I bought her a really cute stuffed animal today, and I'll post pictures of it later after she gets it. It's super cute though. I thin it will be her anniversary present. Anyways, this school year flew by. One moment I was taking in all of the new things about the school year, and the next I'm spazzing about finals and how they're all next week, the last week of school. Life is crazy sometimes. And if all goes according to planned, I'll be a senior next year. Then it's off to the real world. I'm excited.

These past weekends have been crazy really really crazy. I'm not going to go into detail about all of it, but I'll give you most. On Friday I went to a friend's mom's funeral. It was really sad.Things like that just hit me hard. I hung out with her afterwards with a bunch of other friends of hers too. It was a sad day, but her mom's at peace now. I don't even know what to write about it. It's just one of those things.... Later that day though, I hung out with the usual crew (Blake, Catie, Cody) and then met up with Corinna, Nicky and Dylan. We had a lot of fun and hung out in Corinna's room for awhile, and then went to BN. I argued for what felt like forever but was actually about a minute about what kind of cheesecake Jody was selling me, and he was right. He usually fucks with me when I order things, so I definitely didn't believe him like that. I ate the cheesecake which was wonderful, and we left to go to the south end, where Cody's car was. Cody couldn't drive home for awhile, so we hung out down there and just chilled. We then left later and everyone went home. Saturday we hung out with Alex Monzon and her friend Macey, who was visiting from VA. We hung out down in Coligny, and had a boring night until an epic game of hacky-sack broke out among a group of like, 10 kids. It was crazy. Then we played in shopping carts and left to go home. On Sunday, we met up with Alex an Macey in the Tanger Outlets. Blake wasn't with us then, so It was just Catie, Cody and I. We picked up Cody Yeager, and he was initiated into the van. That means that you have to run and jump in it while it's moving with the sliding door open. Cody got in, and we took off. We met up with them and did some shopping, and had an epic adventure on the kids merry-go-round. All of us were hungry after all of the shopping and stuff, so we went to Sonic and saw Bebo. She's one of the coolest adult-ey people I know. Next to Mike Ropes. We all had magical Sonic food, and hung there for quite some time. Afterward, everyone went home and we said goodbye to Macey because she wont be back until next summer. I don't remember what happened on Monday exactly. Hopefully that isn't bad.

Moe's Wednesday this Wednesday was weird It was really awkward on the ride back. I hope I don't have to go throught that again anytime soon.

This weekend was great. I can't even express it. Friday, we went to Savannah for the Reel Big Fish concert. The show was amazing, and I took part in the friendly mosh about three or four times. I love moshing. This is the second time I've seen them live, and I hope there to be many many more. They're so good. Dan [the trumpet player] signed my shirt and Catie and I'd rabbit, Thor. It was so cool. We then did something awesome in public that I've never done before, in public and went to Spanky's for dinner. We stopped in a random shop where Blake bought this really nifty useful thing, and they had weird towels. Saturday, we chilled in Coligny almost all day after picking Catie up from work at two. We witnessed rent-a-cops get fired because of the really cool lady in Black Market Minerals, I put in a job application there, saw the rent-a-cops try to arrest some kid, and hung out in Cody's bus. Blake met up with us and we too a drive in Blake's car. We went to my house to get food for the game night that never really happened, and went back to Coligny to pick up Cody's car. We hung out there for a bit, and then went home. Sunday, Catie and I chilled at my house after she got off of work at four. All we did was finish and play Bioshock, and watch America's Next Top Model. It was one of my favorite Catie and Kara days. Cuddling with my lover and playing scary videogames is the best.

Speaking of Bioshock, Boishock 2 comes out soon, and I'm super fucking excited. It takes place through the perspective of a Big Daddy, which is this:
And they're making a movie out of the game which should kick ass.

I'm done here.
I think this is a successful update.
Later.

2009-05-27T18:49:00.000-07:00

I'm going to fail my Biology final tomorrow. I know it. I can't study like this. I can't decide whether or not I should go to Reel Big Fish on Friday because you're working, I can't decide what to do tomorrow, I can't study for my fucking test, I couldn't even decide whether or not to get off of the phone.

I'm a shitty girlfriend because I couldn't realize how upset you are, even though I asked you so many times.
I'm such a shitty girlfriend for making a big deal out of you not signing my yearbook.
I'm a shitty girlfriend for talking about alcohol and seventh graders like it was not big deal in the bus.
I'm a shitty girlfriend for making you wish you stayed in your old school.

This week is suffocating me.

I haven't blogged in awhile.

2009-05-21T07:21:00.000-07:00

Life has been kind of crazy lately. Not necessarily in a bad way, but it's certainly been hectic.

I've been hanging out with my friends on an almost daily basis recently. I'm happy with it, because we always do fun, interesting things. Like going to Coligny on the weekends. We chill at Java Joe's in the afternoon/morning and party, I guess, at night. It isn't really partying because there's only like 5 people. Anyways, it's still fun. IHOP is a Sunday tradition, for the most part now. IHOP is the greatest. I wish they still had their loaded country hash browns. Those were sooooo good. They have the greatest onion rings and mozzarella sticks. Now every Wednesday is Moe's Wednesday because of five dollar burrito day. $5.45 for a burrito, chips, and a drink. That's what I call a good time.

Cody, Catie, me and possibly Alex Wiggins are going to Hunting Island this weekend for a day trip. I'm super excited. This is like the milestone that we have to hit to make day trips to Savannah and stuff. Someday it will be Charleston, Columbia, and maybe eve Atlanta. I'm just really happy. It seems like things are taking off. School is just the problem right now. It's not even really a problem, I'm just freaking out about two things: Geometry, and where the fuck my English book is. I think it's in Amanda Maucerella's[sp?] locker. I need to start looking around for it, because my mom said she isn't paying for another book. She had to buy me a new one for Geometry because someone stole mine. If worst comes to worst, I'll ask my aunt if she could pay for it. I'll pay her back, of course.

I'm really hungry right now. I didn't eat dinner last night because I had Moe's at like, 440 and then I had a little ice cream on my way home.

Yesterday was a really good day. Catie and I spent some time together with just us. It was really nice. We took a nice nap too. =] Then we went to Moe's around 430 and stayed until about 10 or 20 after five. After that, we went to Cody's house and pmlayed Skate until about 800, where we left to go to Blake's house and pick up his omiPod so Cody could uploadhis music onto his iTunes. Around 920 or something, Catie's mom shoed up and picked me and her up and gave me a ride home.

Last weekend was crazy. I'm not going into too much detail about it, but I went to Grandma's like hardcore. We went to the Mellow Mushroom and had a deep conversation, and just chilled around. Earlier that day we somehow ended up with Caroline, Leah, and Mia. They were in Coligny at the same time as us and were searching for saometing we already passed. I found out a few gross things that I didn't want to know from someone. It was interesting. The night ended with McDonald's and peanut butter crackers, which have now become a food obsession of mine. Along with Frosty Frog grilled cheese, which is the greatest food ever. Goddamn, I'm so hungry.

I'm going to go, class is almost out.
Bye.

2009-05-08T22:39:00.000-07:00

So you're nice and drive my friend home when his car breaks down, but when we got home you call me stupid, call me a slut, and say that I'm never getting a job and I can't think. Fuck this. I confide in you thinking that you wont turn it back on me like her mom, and you do. I'm done telling you stuff about my life. You can find it out on your own, because apparently you do. If it wasn't for my friends, not just her, my friends too, I'd show you how bad I can fuck up and how badly I can fail. Just today I was thinking how much better I'm doing and you bombard me with a ton of shit that isn't at all related to what we were arguing about.
I leave my clothes out of the hamper in the bathroom because I'm too tired to pick them up in the morning and at night. And picking them up all at once and putting them in the hamper makes me feel like I accomplished something.
You always feed my pets and I don't ask you to, and you don't feed them because they're out of food, you do because you want to. You started taking over my chinchilla when we first got him and I fed him everyday and gave him new water every three and have him two treats a day, but you took over and do it by yourself. You even give him fresh water after I just did, and I don't think you believe me.
I'm 16 and human. I forget things sometimes and you need to accept that. I'm not the super perfect little girl that you've convinced yourself I am. I fuck up and I deal with it. You don't have to.

If you find this, cool.
If you don't, I don't care.

Meh.

2009-05-04T12:04:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting at home, sick. This is the second day that I haven't gone to school, the last being Friday. Today is Monday, for those of you who don't know what day it is. I despise being sick. It's my fault though, I could have done things to prevent it.
And I do not have the swine flu, just so that doesn't start.

Ricola cough drops are the shit. No joke. I don't know what I would have done without them for the past four days.

Oh whale sharks. I want to ride one. They have them in the aquarium in ATL, so I think that my friends and I should have a roadtrip there somehow sometime. =D They're my favorite thing in water, which is a big deal since I'm terrified of drowning.

Recently, I've realized how extreme my fear is. It goes to irrational levels. Like, I don't walk through the fish section at pet stores because I'm afraid that I'm going to trip and fall in and drown or someone will push me in and I'll drown. It's even worse with bridges. When I'm in cars going over them, I have to force myself to forget that I'm on a bridge otherwise I'm paranoid that the bridge will collapse and I'll drown, or that someone will crash into us and we'll go into the water and I'll drown, or that the driver will go cray and floor it off of the bridge and then I'll drown. If I'm riding a bike, I think that a car will hit me and I'll fall off and drown or that someone walking will push me in or someone else biking will. It's the same story walking over bridges. This is just getting to be an incredibly irrational fear. All of it started when I fell off of a pontoon boat when I was like, four. Good thing my quick to act cousin Jodi saved me. I'm pretty sure he was the one.

I've realized that the song Rocket Man by Elton John is like the anthem for my friends now. Just like Time to Pretend and The Youth[?] by MGMT. We could be on an epic-i-almost-feel-infinite- car ride and that song will make it one, or be night beaching and the usually shitty live entertainment at the Tiki Hut will play it and everything fits. I like nights like that.

Last weekend, not being the second and third, was pretty good. Saw Crank 2 which was fucking crazy, and we went to The 'Shroom where some cool old drunk guy from Florida gave us money to pay for our meal because we were friendly and told Catie and I not to give guys blowjobs. Of all girls he could tell that to, he chose us. Those are the only two main things I recall. Even though some stuff happened afterschool on Friday. Yeah, we went to the Shroom on Friday. Considering the circumstances of the day, that's the only time it would fit into.

I just had to add 'blowjobs' to my dictionary on Firefox.

Tomorrow is the day I've been looking forward to since the end of Wednesday of last week. Even though the day has been pushed back by two, I'm looking forward to it with more... intent? than ever. I haven't seen Catie four five days, and it was only supposed to be four or three. So needless to say I've been going crazy, so tomorrow is going to be super exciting. I missed her so much.

I think I'm going to go.
This is my first blog this month.

Whooo.

Smoked Myself Stupid and Drank My Insides Rasin Dry.

2009-04-23T18:30:00.000-07:00

It's been way too long since my last actual blog. I've been wrapped up in schoolwork, going to Kiawah for Spring break =D, and Fable 2. So I apologize for the hiatus.

Spring break was the shit. It was everything I wanted, needed, and more. I couldn't have dreamed of a better one. June 21st now has no meaning what so ever. I'm okay with that though, a year was too long. Especially for where I'm at. The three and a half days before Catie, me and her family left for Kiawah were pretty good. They were really chill and not much happened, except for afterschool on Thursday. It was a weird coincidence that everyone wound up like that, but it was a good night. Street Meet is the bomb, for serious.
Kiawah was so great. Catie's grandparents were really nice, and we had common ground over our love of Key Lime Pie and military families. The house was gorgeous, but I think it was unnecessary for it to be that large for only two people. If I had that money I just would have gotten a... houseboat or something. Catie and I had a lot of fun being able to hang out and not worry about anything back on the island. Her mom was really nice while we were up there too, which never happens. Catie's mom even let her sleep in my bed three nights in a row, provided we keep the door open. It would have been fine even if she had us close it though because sleeping is the most innocent thing two teenagers can do anyways. We went out a lot while we were there; one of the waiters at the country club spilled my drink on me. We went to Charleston too. Catie got a nifty camera, and I got a super cool shirt. As we were leaving, Catie's grandma gave me twenty dollars like she did for the rest of her family, and I thought that was really nice. I tried to give it back; she wouldn't take it so I ended up spending it on a shirt at this super cool Korean restaurant after we got back from the aquarium. I love the aquarium. I want to go to the one in Atlanta though, so I can see the whale sharks. They're my favorite sea creature. I want to ride one someday. Anyways, the food was really good.
We went to grandma's when we got back and hung out with everyone on Saturday, and then I went to grandma's again later that night while having an intense discussion about the American Government's corruption with Alex, Ropes, Blake, and Shingo. Greg is the coolest guy ever for letting us sit outside of Java Joe's not buying anything. I've concluded that that has become the new BN, even though we still go there to say hi to our BN brethren.

This week was HSAP; an exit exam to pass high school. It basically is a test to make sure you aren't retarded. It's the easiest test that I've ever taken. Ever. The schedule was all fucked up though, especially having a drug search yesterday, and a lockdown today because some drunk guy threatened the school and PE students. I understand the lockdown though, it was just annoying.

I moved my room around yesterday, and it looks really nice. I'd draw a picture and put it in here but I don't feel like it.

'Moe's Wednesdays' are the only 'day' that has ever, or probably will ever, work out for my group of friends. $5.54 for a burrito with whatever you want on it, chips and a drink. HELL YES.

I'm going to go. This was kind of long.

Oh; Catie Lacombe should feel better and stop being sick because this weekend will be epic and being sick isn't fun.

Yeah, laterrrrr.

2009-04-18T21:03:00.000-07:00

I can't tell if I'm shaking because I'm going back to normal, because I'm cold, because I'm so angry, or if it's a combination of the three. All I know is that I haven't been this angry in a a very long time.

I just got back from vacation. I was hoping spring break would actually be a fucking break.

Fuck this Island.
I hate pretty much everything about it.

My hand stings really bad.

Today wasn't so great after all.

One phone call, and then I'm going to bed. Hopefully everything will be okay in the morning.

I hate

2009-04-05T18:01:00.001-07:00

her parents.
I genuinely hate them

I haven't typed a real blog in awhile.

2009-04-05T07:58:00.000-07:00

I figured since I feel disgusting and have nothing to do, I'd type one now.

This three day weekend has been the best, I couldn't ask for anything better out of this after such a shitty week. Grades were due Friday [when we didn't have school] so I had to scramble to get my work in. It was very hectic, and I was freaking out. But on Friday I went to Street Meet and a movie with Catie Alex and Cody, after hanging out at her house and painting each other's faces. After we went to Street Meet, we went to a bunch of thrift stores and found this adorable stuffed animal bunny. It's really small, and doesn't have feet. It was made that way, they didn't get like, ripped off or something. But anyways, Catie bought him for me and now he's like our kid. We've stitched off with who has him overnight and stuff. I guess it would be cool to tell you his name, so his name is Thor. We also went to Dolphin Head on Friday, and it was really nice. I like it there on nice breezy sunny days. The night ended watching Milk at Catie's house, which probably would have been a great movie had I not been so tired and fallen asleep on Catie for some of it.

Last night we had a housewarming party at Blake's house. It was really chill in the beginning of the day waiting up for it. I hung out with Cody for a bit, picked Catie up from a movie with her dad, and went to the beach to say 'hi' to Karen and Blake. Cody dropped us off at Catie's house and we chilled there for a bit and ate macaroni and cheese and stuff. After that, Alex and Cody picked us up and we went to Blake's. We played Apples to Apples and just hung out. We picked up Mike at about 10 and he chilled with us for awhile too. We dropped off Catie and Alex at 12, and we decided we were hungry. So we went to street Meet because it's open until two. We saw Kyle, Jody, Meredith, Sara, probably Megan, and Rex and his girlfriend there. It was really cool to see all of them. Jody kept taking my fries the whole time, but it was all good. I haven't seen Rex since the Hawthorne Heights concert, so it was nice to see him. He's really cool. We somehow related how we met to how we ran into each other, but I can't remember how for the life of me. We left, and people complimented my shoes on our way out. Blake tipped the lady who waited on us seven dollars because she deserved it for putting up with us. I deffinitley owe him like, two meals now. We then retired to Blake's house and cleaned up a bit, got on the computer, watched Fuel TV and crashed. We woke up at like, 9 because Blake had to work, cleaned up a bit more and had pizza and coffee.

I love Catie, so much. I don't know what else I can say, but I love her more than anything. I could never ask for a better girlfriend... ever.

People need to stop eavesdropping on Blake and I in design class and relaying your over-heard, warped-into-what-you-wanted-us-to-say comments to people because you're being a little bitch. You're just a little drama queen and want to cause as much shit as you can because you're dissatisfied with what happens in your own life. You don't stick up for anyone, and you talk shit about anyone the moment they leave or are out of earshot. You remind me of your typical middle school, two faced bitch.

Okay, I'm not angry, so I should stop typing angry things. I'm actually very happy.

I'm going to wrap this up though. I'm going to try to keep this as up to date with my life as I can, because I like looking back on things that I forget. This hasn't been as well kept recently as I'd hoped.

Welllllll, bye.

I feel sixkcks]

2009-04-04T23:58:00.000-07:00

WATCHUIIBG fuel yv and its the greatest thing ever.
BN ctrwew at stteet meet at two ibng the morning and itttisng on Blakes couch watching fuel tv withbcoday right now/. greatest thing ever.I love my girlfriend so much. I love her more than anything.'I ncant feel me hands.I love you Catie.<3todau id="s">
I ;ove catie so muich

2009-03-24T15:40:00.000-07:00

I'm so stressed out right now, I can't even think straight.

Run like Zelda!... I mean Link!

2009-03-15T15:07:00.000-07:00

St. Patrick's day is the shit. It's my favorite holiday, and always has been. Catie and I's first kiss was a day less than a year ago, at the St. Patrick's day parade that we went to today, at a spot the we walked by. =]

There are things that are always going to remind me of St. Patrick's day, much like things that remind me of summer. These things are : Shamrock Shakes, 4 Year Strong [also reminds me of summer], the Matches, 3oh!3 [also reminds me of summer], Reel Big Fish [summer aswell], obnoxious loud rap music, peach mango Fuse, tailgating, old women who say 'fucking', Jack Daniels, Coligny bathrooms, the men's room in the Smokehouse, burping leprechauns, transit shuttle things, cute dogs, and the Smokehouse. There's a lot more, but those remind me of it most.
The only thing that I didn't like were people who were severely intoxicated because they are on every holiday and get all touchy feel-y and want to see their ex-boyfriends for no apparent reason.
Today was just great.

Yesterday was good too. The beginning was really bad, but it got a lot better because Catie cheered me up. And we went to SONIC! One of my friends works there, and I really like cheese fries and Cherry Limeade. So it's the perfect place to go. Poker night was a bust though, we need to try again after it's better planned.

I really love my friends. I really do. I've decided that today. And I'm glad that I got to hang out with Terry and so did everyone else. He's a really nice guy.

Catie and I are still getting closer, and I didn't think that was possible. We were so close already, and thingsn just keep getting better. She makes me so happy. =] and I lover her so much.

So me, Alex Monzon, Alex Wiggins, Catie, Cody, Shingo, and Blake are going Texas chupacabra hunting summer of 2010. Thjose things are fucking scary, you should look them up.

I'm going to go. I've had a total of 12 ibproufen today, and my head still hurts.
Peace!

Woah.

2009-03-07T21:06:00.000-08:00

I didn't realize how long it's been since I last blogged.

Things have been rough lately. Not with me directly, but with some friends. I just hope things work themselves out.

Everything has been the same for the most part recently. I'm not going into details because I'm very tired and don't feel like blogging.

I'm still happy, and that's good.

I'm going to sleep.
Later.

I'd Send Myself to Outerspace, I wish I Had a Differnt Face.

2009-02-27T20:33:00.000-08:00

Today was interesting. I was really up and down all day, but I just have days like that sometimes. Overall, it was pretty good. I had an... epiphany? in Blake's car on our way back from Dolphin head today. Everything just fell into place there. Not like the 'fell into place' where you think that you have everything figured out and everything is how it's meant to be and everything's perfect. The 'fell into place' when you realize how it is, and how it will be for a long time. I'm not saying that it's good or bad, but I'm glad that I saw it.

There I was, behind Blake's seat with my arms wrapped around my girlfriend. Alex behind the passenger's seat sitting quietly, with a sleeping Cody illuminated by the glow off of Blake's car stereo. Blake driving with the red orange ashes of his cigarette whizzing past the back window on the left where I was, with the song 'Time to Pretend' by MGMT playing moderately loud in the background.

This is where I am, and most likely will be for the remainder of my highschool career. With these four people, and in various other cars. All scenarios will most likely be the same. That is, with all of us together. Different things happen when someone is missing, but the things that happen when they are missing are always kind of the same. I'm okay with that.
How I felt tonight wasn't happy, or sad, or anything like that. I just knew I found my place, and this is where I'm supposed to be.

Anyways, on a lighter note, Alex Cody Catie and I played the left turn game. It's really fun and great to pay attention to, because no two games will be exactly the same. Alex said this, and I like how it sounds.

Catie and I went to a playground today. We used to do that all the time before the middle-ish of summer, but we haven't lately. It was really nice. We also helped with this thing that I helped her with last year when we first started going out. It was really nice to sit with her and think of how far we've come. I love her so much.
Coincidentally, the song 'Northwestern Girls' by Say Hi [to your mom] is playing right now, and this is her first MySpace song that I heard and listened to. I hope it isn't weird that I remember that, but I do. Whenever I hear it, I think of her.

I'm going to go, I wasn't planning on blogging tonight.
Later.

I've realized;

2009-02-24T18:02:00.000-08:00

that religion really annoys me.
A lot.

Regardless, today was amazing.

Gold Teeth and a Curse for This Town We're All in My Mouth, Only I Don't Know How They Got Out Here.

2009-02-24T12:46:00.000-08:00

I have a working computer that doesn't take 30 minutes to warm up, and doesn't die on me and not even let me know what's wrong. It was like owning a senile pet. But anyways, I'm going to cut to the chase because I could go on talking about my new computer for hours. I just wish I knew what was in it because it's hand built and not a clean cut factory item.

Lately, I've been realizing how happy I am. I'm happy with my friends, for the most part. There isn't anything going on in the 'clique' that's worth fighting about, and everyone's pretty chill. Blake and my girlfriend are finally getting along, which is really good. I'd be in a really bad position if they weren't. Things were rough for awhile between a few people, but it's mellowed out for the most part.

I'm happy with school too. It isn't as horrible as I make it out to be. I'm still doing bad, but Catie is helping me out. It's really nice, because I'm super bad at the whole concept of school. I'm pretty spaced out most of the time, and having spacey teachers doesn't help anything either. Maybe I have mild ADD or something. I don't want that to be the case though because almost every teenager says that they have it.

Things with me and Catie are really good. We've been together for over 13 months now, and I couldn't be happier. Things have been rough for her at home recently though, and I feel really bad. I just hope that I actually cheer her up. I hope that I'm doing as good of a job as she says I do. We're just really good for each other. And it's really nice because we don't fight. Anything that can be fought over, we talk out. It's just really nice.

I just went to push up my glasses, but I forgot that I put my contacts in this morning. I guess I should tell you why I've been wearing my glasses, in case anyone actually cares. I was sick for awhile, like really sick. I probably should have stayed home because I was so sick, but I had tests and stuff at school. Anyways, I didn't have the energy to put in my contacts, so I opted for wearing my glasses. Apparently I look a lot different without them now that people are used to me wearing them. I didn't even have the energy to play Harvest Moon, which I've been obsessing over for the past few months. I'm feeling a lot better now though, I only have a slight cough and a sometimes stuffy nose. I think the stuffy nose is due to allergies though.

I got a scooter for my birthday from my mom. That probably sounds really stupid, but I asked for it. Ever since I moved from California to here, I've been asking for a scooter because my dad sold mine. Even though I told him I wanted it, he decided to sell it. A long with a lot of my other stuff. I've put that behind me though, because it's unnecessary anger. He's not too bad of a father. He's cool with Catie and I's relationship and thinks it's 'cute'. He even told me to tell Catie 'hi' in the birthday card he got for me. Anywho, I plan on learning to do crazy insane stuff on my scooter and ride it at the skatepark and stuff. All after it warms up here because it's so damn cold still. Didn't the groundhog not see it's shadow or something? Whatever.

I had forgotten how annoying it is to add everything to the dictionary of Firefox. This whole time, I've probably added about twenty words. It has working tabs though, which is nice. My old computer was too stupid to comprehend how to do it. And MySpace music loads in two seconds as opposed to never, and I never have to disable page style to cheat my computer into loading everything quicker.

Motion City Soundtrack is nice to listen to. Along with Bloc Party and the Shins. They allegedly broke up. But this music is putting me in an even better mood than I'm already in.

I'm going to go, this is rather lengthy.
Bye.

NEW BLOG.

2009-02-20T18:46:00.000-08:00

So, my computer has been broken and I haven't gotten around to fixing it due to being horribly sick. I'm getting over it now, so I should have my computer working within the next few days. Currently, I'm typing this off of Alex's laptop.

Life has been going pretty good latley. I'm actually really happy with everything.

OH TODAY IS ALEX'S BIRTHDAYYYY!!!!!!!
She's sixteen now!
I think it's a big deal.

I think I'm going to go, I feel like I'm hogging the computer.
Later.

Right now I'm happy.

2009-02-03T18:20:00.001-08:00

And really, that's all that matters.

Just when things were looking up,

2009-01-26T11:01:00.000-08:00

I'm right back at the bottom again.

I'm taking 30 minutes of my morning to blog.

2009-01-19T07:31:00.000-08:00

Maybe I'll be more creative today, in every sense of the word.

The past few days have been pretty great. The 16th [Friday] was Catie and I's one year, and that's a really big deal. We just watched movies. It was really chill. We had the day planned out differently though. Her parents came home like three hours late, so we missed the sunset and it was too cold and dark outside to sit on the dock. That was all okay though, I still got to spend the day with her. That's the only thing that matters. I love her so much. There really aren't words to describe it. I've been with the same girl for one year, and I'm more than 100% happy with it. She keeps me going, and she's always there for me, and she always listens when I need someone to. And she always has. I'm just really happy.

Saturday was better than Friday. I got up early around 9 to go to IHOP with Catie, Melanie, and Garrett Burke. IHOP was good, their butterscotch pancakes are soooo great. After that Garrett left and Catie, me and Melanie went back to her house. Melanie was tired, so we all decided to take a nap. She has the most comfortable guest bedroom bed ever. At least from what I've noticed, most people don't care much about how comfotable their guest bedroom bed is unless it gets used often. After our nap and after everyone got ready to go, we left to go pick up Cody Yeager. Once he was in the car, we headed to Blockbuster so Catie and Melanie could pick up a movie to watch. They didn't find one, so we spent some time aimlessly wandering around movie aisles. We left to go to the south end to Davis's after that. It was really fun there. He has an interesting house. Catie and I wandered around his upstairs part, which I'm assuming is where people typically reside. Downstairs on the ground level seems more like a storage area, aside from a kitchen and Davis's bedroom. But it was a really fun time, and the people there were really cool. I got to spend from 10am until about 1130pm with Catie that day. It was nice.

[Update, I forgot to write this part] Yesterday was really fun too. I spent the day with Alex and Cody. They picked me up from my house, and then we went to Cody's house to eat nachos. The nachos were really really good. We watched the football game while we were there, I hate football, and then went to Wal- Mart to buy Pineapple Express. After that, we went to Planet Smoothie to talk to Bobby [Patrick Ryan]. The smoothie was good, and so was the conversation. We spent about 30 minutes in there, and then called Catie to see if we could watch the movie at her house. Her mom said yes, so we went to Cody's first so he could grab her Christmas present and mine, and went to her house. We watched p the movie which was really good, and then ate pizza from Giuseppe's [sp?]. We got one cheese pizza and one white pizza. Catie had never eaten white pizza before, and she said that she really liked it. After that we watched out takes and stuff from the movie, and migrated to Catie's room and just chilled and talked in there. Alex, Cody and I talked about some of the intense, stupid things we used to do close to a year ago. Catie listened to it, and threw in her input. The majority of the times thatthose happened, her family was gone on random vacations, so I told her all of this over the phone. It was when we just started going out and she didn't know me that well then. I hope I didn't scare her. But yesterday was a really good day. I missed hanging out with my best friend. Alex is so nice.

The weekend before that was fun too. We had a quintet date? at Kobe, and then we were supposed to go see a movie afterwards. It was Alex and Van, Alex and Cody, Terry and Haley, Melanie and Gage, and Catie and me. Kobe pretty much tapped everyone out of money though, so instead of a movie we went to Brighton beach, which isn't a beach at all. It was really cold though, so we opened up the trunk of Haley's car and the tunk of Melanie's car and backed them together to make a little for thing. It was really nice and we listsned to good music and pl.ayed Bop- It and Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots. We found those in the back of Melanie's car, along with other weird things. It was a really fun day.

I think I'm done writing for now.
I'm out.

I wish I knew

2009-01-13T13:22:00.001-08:00

why I've been getting depressed so much lately.

I think stress is eating away at me.

2009-01-09T19:47:00.001-08:00

I'm keeping my phone by my side, even when I'm sleeping, just to make sure I don't miss your call if you call me back. I just want you to be okay. You probably wont be able to call me tonight again though, but just in case you do; I'm ready to listen.

I love you.

I wish I would have walked home today.

2009-01-06T15:04:00.000-08:00

I can't help but think that Catie's dad hates me, so it would have been easier and less awkward if I just walked. My mom was about running errands, so she might have wondered where I was going or what I was doing. On my walk home for the front of my neighborhood, I pretty much zoned out and listened to my new iPod. The bad part about it is, whenever I pull it out and turn it on, I feel like a clone. Anyhow if there wasn't a car on the opposite side of the road while I was walking, causing the car in front of me to stop [there aren't any sidewalks], I would have indefinitely gotten hit by the car in front of me. I was completely zoned out, and had no clue that there was a car there. That's happened to me before in seventh or eighth grade when I walked in front of a van because I wasn't paying enough attention to notice it. Sometimes I need to be more observant.

You're probably wondering how all of this came about, so I suppose I'll fill you in. After school today, Cody and Catie were going to BN to work on a project and I was invited to go along. It was really fun, and after they finished what they were supposed to do we just played with trains and threw stuffed animals and read random books. I liked it a lot.

Yesterday was really good too. Catie and I got to chill at my house for a little bit after school. We just hung out and talked, it was nice. She's really nice.

Saturday was terrible, but the day part of Sunday was pretty good. I hung out with Melanie, Gage, and Catie and we went to Java Joe's. We were going to go to World Market, but Melanie wasn't feeling well, so we dropped Gage off and went back to her house. All of us watched the Strangers, which is an excellent movie, and them Melanie fell asleep on the couch. Catie and I went upstairs to her room, and watched some t.v. show that's name happens to escape me and got on MySpace. Melanie's dad came home, so we decided to go to Terry's. We swung by Catie's house, to say hi to her mom or something, and her mom was really nice for a while. Soon after that though, her mom got really angry for no reason and told Catie she couldn't do anything even though she had an hour left to hang out. Apparently she had homework that she had to do that she hadn't done, but she didn't. She did all of her work and showed her mom but she still couldn't do anything. I had Melanie drop me off at my house, because she was on her way to Terry's anyways, so I could call Blake to chill. Blake couldn't do anything, so I walked around my room for a bit and called Catie to see if she was okay. She was glad that I called, and that she had someone to talk to who wasn't able to do anything either. I love talking to her. =]

I cleaned my room a little bit before typing this. I tend to do things like that when I'm so bored that I've done everything I can to make my boredness go away, or when I'm upset, or if I'm thinking so much that I can't think. My room was tidy-d up today because I was thinking so much that I couldn't think. It wasn't a bad ting though.

So I've decided that my New Year's resolution this year, even though I said I wasn't going to make one, is to be nicer to/be mor informative to/ do more things for my mom. She's really nice to me, and I feel like I'm not being as nice to her in return as I should. She bakes coffeecake cupcakes for me sometimes, and they're the shit, and she makes really good cheesecake and doesn't ground me often and makes me food if I ask her to [I try not to do that often though]. And she's nice to talk to and looks at something I've drawn or found or just if I want to show her something on a game if I ask her. I think I should start doing the dishwasher again.

But I'm going to go. I'm hungry and I need to decide what to make.
Later.

2008 is over.

2009-01-02T22:52:00.000-08:00

Now it's 2009. I went to my Dad's house for Christmas, which was fun. I didn't get to spend much time with just him though. That's all I was really hoping for. My sisters have some interesting friends though, they're pretty nice. I missed Catie, Alex, Blake, and Cody a lot though.

These past days that I've been back have been pretty good. I was really mood swing-y today, but the reason why is stupid and unimportant so I'm not going to talk about it. Today was very enjoyable though. Even though we didn't really do what we planned. Plans that I make never stick anyways. That's why I don't like or see the point in making them. But I'm glad that I'm back. I missed a few things on this island. Mostly the people I named and Barnes and Noble. And IHOP, everyone's gotta love IHOP.

New Years was spectacular. I'm not going to explain it because a lot of things happened, but I loved it. The people there were great and it was just a good time.

I'm going to go though. I don't feel like blogging. This thing just needs to be kept updated.
Bye.

2008-12-23T00:29:00.000-08:00

I feel so alone.

You're Doing Thjngs That Make My Flesh Burn Hot.

2008-12-13T08:49:00.000-08:00

It's been 11 days since I blogged last. I try to update every ten days at the maximum, oh well. This week has been stressful and hectic enough for me to allow myself to do this and have a legit excuse for it.

I'm not going into the contents of this week, at all. I will tell you though that Saturday was enjoyable, Sunday was chill, Monday was great, and yesterday was the best day that I've had since the beginning of Thanksgiving break.

As of yesterday, I've concluded that I don't like people anymore. None of them except for about 7 or so. I didn't want to be the person who doesn't like anyone, but the way that people have been lately has inclined me to form that opinion. And some people just need to shut they're fucking mouths for once in their lives.

And a few days ago, I've realized that I've successfully isolated myself from everyone but about four, maybe five people over the past five or so months. The maybe five person slot is filled by two people [this is in my perspective] but they swap off who's there by when they're there or what they're doing. I don't know if that makes much sense. But anyways, this had been happening for about two years, but I think the drifting has finally come to and end. I'm sorry to anyone who doesn't like this situation, but honestly I'm happy here. I'm happy that I have a small, close knit group of friends as opposed to a lot of acquaintances. In a large group of people who only kind of know you, it's far easier to feel alone.

I'm done here, I'm going to eat. Hopefully today will be enjoyable.
Later.